Hot Taco Lovin'

Man, I've been craving Mexican Food all week. All I can think about is grilled chicken with spicy onions & bellpeppers wrapped in a warm soft tortilla... Oh Yeah....

Now I Know Why People Cut Themselves...

It is Monday.... I have been assigned a project here at work that no one has done since 2001... I know why no one has done it in 4 years... I am so fucking bored I could cut myself. If only the box cutters were cleaner. I am looking around franticly trying to think of a way to rig something so I can fake my own death by spontaneous combustion. I am seriously thinking about hurting myself some how so I can stop doing this.... Maybe a stapler mishap? Would I be willing to staple my finger? No, I play guitar. Usually I would say my leg would be a good contender, but I am going to New York in less than 2 weeks. If only I could remember which parts of my body would bleed the best with minimal effort....

Thoughts about the new Pope & my pubic hair

First off I think the new Pope is scary looking. I don't like his eyes. It's like he is playing the bad Pope in some horror flick. That out of the way, I found a 2 inch long pubic hair the other day. Odd... I of course am neurotic about stupid stuff & my pubes aren't as soft as I'd like them to be so I started to put leave in conditioner on it. I want ALL my hair soft.

Operation "Hump Josh Homme's Leg"

Tickets go on sale for Queens of the Stone Age tomorrow. I'm so excited, I feel like a teenage girl seeing Soundgarden for the first time live!!! I also have to say I used "kaboom" on one wall of my shower yesterday & tweeker cleaned it. Man that stuff works so well. You just spray it on & let it sit for a few minutes & then wipe it off. The only problem is when it starts to drip down the wall, it pretty much gets all the crud off so you need to scrub around it to make it match. Plus you gotta wear gloves. Can't wait to finish the bath this weekend. God I need more hobbies....

Amish But Deadly....

I had the weirdest dream last night. I was walking to school with my friend & we are about 11 or 12, but we are all decked out like we're on little house on the prairie. We might be Amish or Mennonite. We get to school & everyone else is dressed normal, and my friend & I keep together & are a bit embarrassed because we are dressed different from everyone else. School ends & we are walking home through a woody area when 3 older skater boys jump out & accost us. I get away some how, but they grab my friend & end up killing her & raping her. Fast forward a couple of years & I am no longer sporting the amish gear & I am at the Florin book store working. The guys either work there or always come in. They don't remember me, but I remember them. SBA & I are getting ready to leave because we are the only ones closing the store. I am waiting in his car while he sets the alarm. While I am waiting, two of the guys get in the car & start to drive away with me in it. I am telling them to get the hell out, but they are hooting & hollering & driving on. When we stop, they are going to hurt me, but I am prepared for it. I end up locking one out of the car & the other one is still in the car with me. The one that is with me, I keep on choking him until he passes out & then I let him regain consciousness a few times & while he is awake I keep on telling him that I am going to kill him. Basically I am torturing him. He doesn't know if I am going to finish him off or just let him pass out again. While this is happening I am telling the other guy outside that he is next and I am "going to strap you down & cut the top of your skull off so the birds can eat your brain while you are awake". He is freaking out trying to get into the car to save his friend. Finally I am done toying with the guy in the car & I hold his head & look into his eyes and slowly twist his head until I break his neck. I do this while he is awake. The other guy out side freaks out & runs away. SBA finds me & we jump into the car to find the other guys so I can finish the job. We can't find them, so we have a great rough boot knocking session. I guess torturing made me all hot n stuff. Then I wake up.

It Won't Die...

Man, last night was another set of non stop dreams about him. "When you say it's dead & gone, yes I know; you're wrong. Cut & slice, sharpest knife. It won't die". Every time I would wake up from the nightmares & then try to fall asleep but I would fall right back into the thick of it. I am so tired. I just want to get through a night without dreaming about him. They weren't nice dreams either. I need some relief. I don't know what I am going to do. Here I am crying at work. I don't need this. I know they say it's better to have love & lost than to never have loved, but my head is really making it hard to believe that.

Anal Death Wish

This morning for some reason I had to have milk. First of all I hate milk & second I am lactose intolerant. I had chocolate milk. I was frosty & cool. The chocolate couldn't cover up the nasty milk taste all the way but it did mask it pretty well. When I was down in the little store in the basement of our building I also picked up a bottle of apple juice. Lite apple juice because that sounded quite delicious also. I drank both of them in a 2 hour period. Now we're talking ring of fire. I just couldn't help it. They both sounded so good. It doesn't help that the Captain is in town & that messes up my system anyways. I think I might be obsessed with my butt? Does anyone think about their butt as much as I do? A healthy gastric system is very important in a person's life.... Right?

More Cowbell!!!

Man, I love cowbell... Seriously, you can't not bob your head when you hear the beat, let alone your ass. Shake it... Maybe I'll just play cowbell across the continent for money....

That's It! I'm Outta Here....

Okay, I have finally decided that I am going to downsize my possessions, not buy anything else that I don't need, save my money & instead of buying a new car or putting a down payment on a house like I previously planned, I am saying screw it & I'm going to back pack through Europe for 6 months or more. Hopefully next year. I can take a leave of absence from work & sublet my apartment & just have an adventure. Since my path isn't a family & domestic bliss, which by the way is the only thing I've ever wanted. Some stability, a house, babies, a husband, bbqs, PTA, everything I never had growing up. If that isn't going to happen, I need to find out who I am. Live for myself. I do that anyways, but I always have "what is the responsible thing to do..." What my dad would say, what my mom would say, what my family & friends think of me. I guess I'm confused & I don't want to be a bitter old woman waiting for someone that will never come. I can live with being the crazy old woman who has a mohawk & listens to death metal while gardening as long as I am at peace with myself. I need to know the core of myself & how to deal with the loss of a dream & to maybe find my real path. I don't think I can do it here. It's too safe, too many outside influences. It's weird, but last night while I was planning all this in my head, I felt like a woman for the first time. Not like a girl. I want myself. I don't want to turn into someone else when I meet a man. Maybe that's why it never works out. I turn myself into what ever I think people want. I don't know myself. I actually am excited & oddly at peace right now.

Early Life Crisis or realization?

I was thinking last night. Thinking long & hard about myself. I don't know why, maybe the movie, maybe because my grandfather is in the hospital, maybe because my dad is planning to move away, maybe because I am going to be 30 & I am not even seeing anyone let alone close to getting married & having babies. I asked my self what I really want in life. I guess it's to be loved & to love. I know I have great friends & a great family, but that isn't the love I've been seeking. Why is it so hard for me to find something that most people have found? I guess that is the way life is. So, I have to ask myself what else makes me happy? I know that seeing different parts of the world would be awesome. Maybe they know something I don't . I am a single gal with no children to tie me down. Just rent to pay & some minimal bills. I can cut down my overhead & work all the OT I can to build up hours & pay & go travel a couple of times a year. I want to go to France, Italy, England, Spain, Portugal, Japan..... So many places that I've never seen. I am never going to go back to school. I can't see that far into the future. I've been so stale & waiting for something that'll never happen. Plan B. Get away from it all.

We Aren't the Nut, We're the Shell....

Man, I watched I heart Huckabees last night & now my head hurts. I've contemplated my existence & came up with this.... We are here to propagate the species. The meaning of Life is actually Life!!! Our DNA & Genes are the core or nut of our shell. We are just a carrier & the by product of the genes. I am the shell. My DNA is the nut, the important part that needs to grow stronger & live on even after I die. When my body is dead & used up, my energy & legacy will live on in my children & their children & so on. So we never really die, just change form. Almost like reincarnation but on a scientific level. I am myself plus all my ancestors. My child or children will be even more perfect than I am (I don't mean that in a ego way, just that I have all my limbs & not retarded), as long as my egg is fertilized by a strong male. Look all around us. We are constantly bombarded with images that are supposed to attract us. All about propagation. We are the dominate species because of our brain. Some where along the line our brains started to get bigger so we thought more which made us live longer, make more babies & live healthier. The human species is living much longer as it goes from generation to generation. Why? Technology. Technology created & thought up from Man. In order to insure that our offspring live longer & healthier & make more offspring. We are nothing but the shell, man....

Dookie, Kaboom & QOTSA

Gotta say that I am lovin the Kaboom bathroom cleaner. I am a sucker for infomercial & saw one for Kaboom. It works really well in the shower. The soap scum was so easy to wipe off after a couple of minutes of soaking. Much easier to clean with this stuff than Ajax, I gotta tell ya...

I bought the new Queens of the Stone Age last week & at first I was disappointed because Dave Grohl wasn't playing drums on it, but it has totally grown on me. I absolutely love it! It has some really funky songs on it. I would highly recommend it to anyone who loves QOTSA.

I cleaned with Kaboom as I listened to the new CD at the same time to double the pleasure!

Does anyone else have a problem squeezing a loaf in a public restroom? I know that everyone poops, but why if there are multiple empty stalls must the other person pick the one right next to me? No matter how hard I try, I can't lay a stinkin lincoln if someone is right next to me.... Nerves or something. It takes forever for the other person to flush & give you the door to finish your bidness....

You want an apple pie?

My dad told me this weekend that he & the stepmom are planning to retire soon & they are going to get rid of everything, buy a motor home & travel the country looking for land to buy & build on. WHAT?!?!?! I do like the fact that I might be able to score the 4 poster bed & Leather Sectional, but at what cost? I don't want them to move to another state. Inca's parents are planning the same thing. What is with the baby boomers? They can't move away, that's against the rules....

Had quite the eventful weekend. Can't wait to go home tonight & clean my apartment & play with the Gar Bear. Didn't seem like I did much, but I wasn't home at all. I just want to chill.

Went to the ghetto mart yesterday for a beverage & smokes & there was a "special" person who kept asking me if I wanted an apple pie. I really didn't want his apple pie.

Had fun with MM & her family on Saturday. The kids are getting so big!

Easter was fun but cut short because the little butt boy was cutting his first tooth so Sis in law & I had to get home. He is getting so big!

One 41 yr old guy emailed me on the personal. I feel bad, but I specifically said age 27-35. I am going to be nice, but I feel bad because he wrote me this big ole long email about himself & his 14 yr old daughter....

Well, I have a ton of work to do today.....

Not Down With the MC Hammer Glasses...

I gotta say that the Brothas love the Thea. I've gotten about 5 guys inquiring about me & they all are Black. I am not adverse to dating someone from another race, I really don't care about that, but they have to have something in common with me, so I am answering all the inquiries. Their profiles seem to point in the direction that they are really not my type. Kinda player-ish. One actually has that you "Have to have a big butt", so I am going to have to break the news that I, in fact, do not possess the attributes that he seeks. I am very non-bootylicious. But hey, you never know. I am going to answer them all truthfully & you may never know.... Oh, one wears MC Hammer glasses. I am trying nicely to shake him off, but it's not working.... 2 out of the 5 guys I emailed have answered me. One left last night for Costa Rica. I told him to be careful & not catch malaria. We'll see if he thinks my dorkiness is endearing or not. Another one answered me back & he's 6 ft 5 in. Nice... He seems nice, a bit poetic so we'll see. I hate trying to break the ice by not giving too much of myself up & scaring them off. Oh well, gotta a show tonight & we're the only band there so we are going to rock their socks off! At least we don't have to share the door....

The Ex Factor

Had a dream about one of my ex's that I haven't thought about in a while. He really broke my heart years ago. It was a nice dream. Smart but asshole (SBA). Woke up not feeling all sad, but happy. Even though things between us ended badly, we did have some really good times. Now I know that I'll eventually feel the same way about PBD as I do SBA. That makes me feel much better. Had one guy email me. Emailed him back. Not really interested because it looks like we don't have a whole lot in common, but I emailed him back anyways. It takes guts & I don't want to be bitchy about it. I scrolled through a bunch of profiles & shot out about 5 "hello"'s because my horoscope told me to be more outgoing & that it'll pay off, so I did. Kinda scary, but fun anyways.

Watch Out! It's Darth Vader!!!

All day yesterday I could hear the Emperor's March (Darth Vaders Song) running through my head. Do you ever have one of those days where you think you are going to die? You just feel it? Yesterday was that day for me. I don't know if it is the weather or the fact that I think I ovulated yesterday, but I thought for sure I was going to croak. I am doing much better today. Only I did get my first rejection from my online personal. Oh well, it hurt for like a second, but now it's gone. I really need to get a thicker skin when it comes to rejection. I think this will really help me out with that. I am excited about finally playing a show this weekend & possibly trying something new with the gals with an art show playing. It's nice to get out on the weekends. School nights I can't play, but I at least need to go out once a week. That is my new resolution. "ALTHEA.....I AM YOUR KITTY..."

Dear God, I'm a statistic!!!

Okay, no need to hide it, but I posted a personal online last night. The way I see it is that I need to go out with guys, period. Everyone knows I am not the bar pick up kinda gal. I like that I can chat with someone before I take the step to meet them. I don't think anything will come out of it, but at least I can start dating & getting my self esteem up. I am hoping that I can meet someone like myself who is a bit shy, but not too crazy, who just has trouble meeting new people. Everyone knows this town is too small. I am actually looking forward to meeting & dating new guys. I hope I have dates every week! Am I really this pathetic? Well, I started talking to some guy already last night. At least it gets my mind of PBD. I am actually happy I took this step!

His Favorite Restaurant is Olive Garden

So why did I see the bastard at Kamon on Friday night? Ugh, I was really looking forward to Sushi, too. As soon as I walked in I saw him and I got dizzy, my stomach turned over & my heart cracked again. God I can't wait until I feel nothing when I see him. I really wanted Sushi. Why the f*ck can't he leave my places alone? That is the restaurant where we first met. Is nothing sacred for him? No, I think he's just stupid. Why can't he take his new girl to Red Lobster or something? And speaking of, Mr. "I want to be alone for a while" I guess he found someone else to pay for his ass everywhere. What a piece of shit. God I can't wait to feel nothing for the stupid asshole. I just want him to hurt as much as I did & still do. Even better, I don't want to give a shit about him anymore. Does it stop hurting so much?

Now I know I am ready to meet someone else. I really am. Is it so bad to just want someone to like seeing you, want to spend time with you, want to snuggle on a rainy Sunday? What I miss is the sex during a thunder storm. Ho Hum. Poor me ;) I guess as long as I have my cats I'll really never be alone... sniff sniff... I'm pathetic. OH GOD!!! I am getting to the point that if I don't find someone this year, I'm going online.... Jesus.....

Top O the morning to ye

Had mad mad fun yesterday on our tour of the pubs. Drank from 10am-7pm when I found myself face down on my carpet. No vomiting! We were the first people in the Fox & Goose to ever have shots because they just got their hard liquor license that day. I wish we would've walked more. I think I would have lasted longer. We hit 6 bars. Opps. Got lots of work today to do... Blogged out....

I Will Not Eat Cat Food When I Am Old!

I am nervous about seeing my papou tonight for my mom's birthday. I know he's going to freak out about my tattoo. Oh well. I'm almost 30 years old & still afraid of my papou! But on the bright side, I got some pension info from work & between my pension & my deferred comp I have close to $20,000 saved up for my retirement! I'm not even thirty yet! That rocks. I keep on raising my deferred comp & it kinda hurts not getting the money when I get paid, but now that I can see a huge wad of it just gaining interest, I feel much better. If I play my cards right, I can retire at 50! I only have to do 25 years with the county before I can get all my pension. I started here at 25. Then I can buy myself a pool boy & sit back & drink martinis by the pool....