I was just cleaning out some of the stuff on my computer here at work & came across this little gem my ex & I wrote together for Shortbus Mag, sadly, a defunct zine from my hometown. The names have been changed to protect the douchebag.... Oh, BTW, after I turned this in to the editor of the zine, who thought it was hilarious, I was told it was a bit "much" for the publication...
BITCH SLAP
By Gynagirl & Douchebag
Duchebag & I were sitting around on the front porch drinking Pabsts talking and the discussion turned to our favorite demeaning sex acts i.e.: Dirty Sanchez & Donkey Punching, when we realized that they were all aimed toward Women & gay men and there wasn’t really anything that a woman could do to demean a man in bed other than the obvious which is biting it off, so we came up with some of our own…
Wet Wilma
Kind of like “The Dirty Sanchez” in that the woman inserts her finger into her hoodilihoo & sticks it under her mans nose at an inopportune time.
Crotching Tiger Flaming Dragon
While giving manual stimulation, the lady sneaks in a handful of tiger balm while her victim is otherwise preoccupied.
Claps & Poof
While the gentleman is giving oral pleasure, the chica traps her man’s head so he is unable to retreat & whispers brown secrets in his face using her starfish.
Juice Quiefton
Playing with the Queen of farts… While her man is performing orally, the woman tries to save up all her love juice & lets it go all at once using her PC muscles right in his face… Kind of like a money shot…
Redrum
The female “forgets” that aunt Flo is in town & proceeds with copulation. (This is only funny if the man in her life has light colored bedding & it’s dark during the act.)
“P” SpotThe Woman save’s up a little urine for when she is about to climax & then lets it go all over him, claiming that he “hit (her) “G” spot”.
6 comments:
will you whisper brown nothings to me sometime?
Playin With The Queen of Farts reminds me a lot of my now infamous Betty Davis Suprise (when your give your girlfriend your pair of boxers to put on because they look cute on her, only they come equipped with some turkey tracks)
I am not sure you would like what my brown eye says. I tend to consume things that make defecating & expelling gas "interesting" on purpose. I've said it before & I'll say it again; I know I am a girl and all, but I think poop & farts are some of the funniest things in the world. I make sure I enjoy mine to the fullest extent...
Um, golly!
Talk about a double standard! It's Ok for Short Bus to write about donkey punching and "jelly doughnuts," but it's a no-go for the "redrum"? They just don't like it when a woman's in charge ... who's the biootch now?
What's a "jelly doughnut"?
Kiki informed me what a "Jelly doughnut" is and all I have to say is that some guys have mommy issues. On a better note, I discovered what a "Blumpkin" is & I think it is in a close second to my all time fave, the "Dirty Sanchez"....
Post a Comment