The story of Bills-cifer the cat

This is the lovely and infamous Billie Buttons Giotes. She may look cute and cuddly in this photo, but unless you are me, she doesn't like you. She is a bitch of a cat and I love her dearly. She's my baby even though she's 13 years old. The story of Billie the cat is about 13 years ago my uncles cat had kittens and he gave my aunt Chrissy (the one who passed away last year) Billie as a birthday present. At the time, I was living with my aunt and uncle. It didn't take long for everyone to see that the kitten only liked me and no one else. I wanted to name her "Adel" from my then favorite movie "Kalifornia", but my aunt & uncle said it sounded too white trash (which was the point), so we finally agreed on "Billie" after Billie Holiday. As a kitten, Billie used to sleep in my room and on top of my head until she grew too big and I woke up choking on white fur. When I moved out of my aunt & uncles house, they told me to take Billie with me because she was "my cat" & I was the only person that she liked. When I took Billie to my new apartment, she was sooo skinny. The other cats at my aunt & uncles wouldn't let her eat. I put her on kitten food so she would gain some weight. Well, it's been 12 years and she just keeps on growing. I tried at one point to get her a friend, "Lily" but that didn't work out very well. She beat the crap outta that cat. When we moved in with Mockula, she used to freak her out by talk-meowing. I still remember when we, mockula & I, were sitting in our living room and Billie said something & Mockula said "Dude, did your cat just say something?" Yes, yes she did. Billie used to have this shrill talk-meowing thing until a few years ago when I think she finally blew out her meow-box. Now she just squeaks. She can make her squeaks very shrill like when she wants food. Another great story when we were living with Mockula was when Mockula's then friend, we'll just call her crazy bitch (sorry mockula, but she was) came in & tried to tell me that I needed to trim her nails. In the past I had tried with no success, so had her vet also with no success. You can get one or two before your arms look like carnitas, so anyways, this chick comes in and starts preaching to me & just tell her that it's pretty much impossible without getting hurt, but she said that she was trained and that all animals love her. I told her to go ahead and try if she wanted to, but I did warn her on several occasions. Let's just say that Bills f'ed that chick up. She was only able to cut two nails before Billie tore her up and yes I did laugh. When we moved in with Kiki, Kiki had a boyfriend who's name was "Mark" and Billie freaked him out because she would scream-meow either "Mom" or "Mark". Kiki and mini-Kiki love Billie. Kiki used to dress her up and hold her like a baby because Billie is the right weight and size of a baby. Kiki also liked to feed her treats all the time because Billie would snort like a piggy when she ate them. I had to tell Kiki that if she continued to feed her lots of treats, Billie wouldn't be able to clean her butt & Kiki would have to do it for her. She laughed at me until Billie was not able to clean her butt & Kiki had to do it for her until she lost enough weight to groom herself. There was one other person on the face of the earth that Billie liked, Frodo-Burnvictim. For some reason, she loved that guy. She has hated all my boyfriends & my last one told me that "your cat reminds me of your grandma". My grandma can be a bit bitchy when her blood sugar is low. Several people have come into my home & said to my roommates "Dude, that cat looks pissed off". Yes, she does, but she is my little pissed off ball of love. Now we have 4 cats in my house. Gary, George, Drew & the Bills. The boys are outdoor/indoor cats & Billie is strictly indoors. Well, I've been noticing that she isn't moving as nimbly as she used to and I think it is because of her age but mostly because she is so large. We have to set out the cat food bowel and keep it filled because the boys come in at different times to eat. Billie will lay in front of the food bowel all day and eat. I have to figure out a way to cut her food intake down so she looses some weight. I think I will probably feed the boys outside and Bills in my room. She is not going to like it and there will be lots of squeak-meow-yelling, but I have to make sure she looses some weight. I want to keep her around as long as possible because without her, I am lost.