Sounded like a good idea at the time & Kiki takes one for the team...

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Sexy Talkin'...

The festivities of my birthday weekend started on Wednesday. I went to the QOTSA & NIN concert. Inca got me the tickets for my birthday...Thanks sweetie!!! After work I went home to get ready. I got all purdy-fied & picked up Inca & her boy. We had to stop at the store for some ciggs & saw Kiki & Mensa, who were also on their way to the show. Found out what section they were going to be at so we could all meet up later. We got to the arena & sat in the parking lot & smoked out. I smuggled two Js in good ole lefty & we were off. We got to enter in the side entrance because we were on the floor. This is the entrance that the bands use to load all their stuff. I missed a once in a lifetime opportunity to tag NIN stuff with Gyna stickers because I am out of them. It would've been so easy, too... We got inside & the floor was about half full for the first band. They were pretty good, but the lead singer looked like Emo-Frodo. Then QOTSA came out. We busted out the Js to partake & moved behind some guy with dreads so that if we got busted, they would think it was him & not us. They rocked my fucking socks off. There was some guy who looked like Bob Sagget air guitaring in front of me. There was some old guy who got mad that I wouldn't pass the green his way. It wasn't mine to pass. He was creepy. He kept looking at this couple in front of us humping on the floor & then he would grind his wife & then look our way to make sure we were watching his sexy dancing. GROSS. Then he went off & air guitared like his life depended on it. QOTSA were wonderful. Frankly, Josh Homme could be taking a dump & whistling and I would be happy. He stops playing because some guy is fighting in the front & he cusses the guy out & tells him that if he wants to fight, to come on stage & take him on. The profanity that came out of that mans mouth. Grrrr. That's sexy talkin' in my book. Fucking hot... After they played, I went to find Kiki & Mensa in the stands. Found them & took a seat. Then NIN started. They were awesome. I was shocked to see that Trent Reznor was especially buff & rocking a leather Chippendales vest. At first I laughed about it, but between you & I, I found it strangely attractive. He was rocking it. I always thought that Trent was cute in the "skinny boy who hates the world way", but now his body is thicker & he looks more manly. Mix that with angst & I while I was chanting "Head like a hole", I was also thinking of a Trent Reznor/Josh Homme love sandwich. There was no shortage of sexy dancing going on around us, especially during "closer". There was a couple in front of us basically humping. I noticed that the guy got more aggressive with the chick as the show went on. I told Kiki that she would probably be getting Donkey Punched later that evening. She was thinking the same thing. That started Kiki & I singing our own versions of NIN songs that involved Donkey Punching. The whole arena was singing along with Trent the whole show which was neat. It was especially cathartic singing at the top of my lungs without feeling like a total geek because everyone there was singing along in the same way. I was reminded by the various songs of the boys who have broken my heart in the past & it was cool to know that everyone else was probably feeling the same way. You can't not think about the people who pushed you to "Pretty Hate Machine" with a fifth of something that left you crying & punching a wall. Good Times... There was this teenage boy behind us that was basically offering Trent Reznor his be-hymen-d through out the whole show. After the show I got separated from Inca & her boy, so I went to the car, only I forgot where I parked. In reality I was too high to make sure I remembered to check out what section I was parked in. I walked around for about 2 cigarettes before I finally found the car. Thank god I wasn't the only fucked up idiot who forgot. There were many people walking with me with the whole "oh shit...where did I park" look on their faces. All in all a great fucking evening & the perfect way to start my birthday weekend...

THANK YOU ALL!!!

I just want to say THANK YOU to all the people who have been babying me in my early life crisis. I am absolutely fine with 30 now. Seriously. I swear. Also I want to thank EVERYONE who came out to celebrate with me. You all made it really special for me. I couldn't think of a better way to welcome my 30's than with the substance abuse & rockin' that occurred. Sniff Sniff. My birthday weekend was so eventful that I think I have to split up my bloggs...

This is the end...

When I woke up this morning, The Doors "This is the end" was running through my head. It still is... After today I will be off until Monday, so you all who aren't here in town will have to wait to see if I live or get alcohol & THC poisoning this weekend. I know I suck, but I don't have a computer at home. Never really needed one there. I do all this stuff on County time. Your taxes hard at work... I know that I am being a little bitch about this, but this is the first age that I actually feel old. I know it's not "old", but when someone asks me how old I am & I say "30", they will ultimately say "you don't look that old?", which happened this weekend. So I will get outta my early life crisis the only way I know how...TO PARTY PARTY PARTY!!!! Hopefully I can fulfill my dream of playing on stage & vomiting at the same time, but not missing a note... We'll see.... Tonight Inca is taking me to the NIN/QOTSA concert which will probably make me explode with pleasure. Great, I'll be drunk, high & horny with no one to help... Crap I hate being single sometimes... Tomorrow, Kiki has made an appointment with a psychic for me, then go home to get high, then dinner with the grandparents at 4, go home to drink & get more high & then the show. That should be FUN!!! Daniel is even going to show up & make it all better. I love that little gay guy..... Oh well, when you hear from me next, I will be even older & more bitter.... But at least I am hoping for some really good pictures to be taken in my stupor...

Oh the things I could do with those ears....

The weekend went great. Saturday had a big family party, which is always fun. Sunday, Drummergirl & I went out to the mall & stuff to do girly stuff then had a huge fat steak... Yesterday I woke up feeling like my head was going to explode from the inside out. Then I looked outside & saw it was black with storm clouds. God I can't wait for my surgery. Had to call in sick. So today my head still hurts & I am fucking freaking out about my birthday in 2 days. I am going to be 30... All I can show for it is 3 cats... No husband, no baby, no house, no real career.... But I do still get carded for cigarettes... Seriously, I just got carded on Thursday... So now I am back listening to NIN & crying softly on the inside... On the bright side, tomorrow Inca is taking me to the NIN & QOTSA show for my birthday & I get to start my weekend of utter debauchery tomorrow night. My goal is not to remember the transition from my 20s to my 30s. Only going to come out of my beer & weed induced haze for my family dinner on Thursday with my grandparents... Well then I might introduce champagne into the party in my liver.... Because being drunk on champagne is classy...

Slayer Rules!!!

When I woke up this morning, the Darth Vader music was back. Probably because I have 1 week until I turn 30... 7 Days... Ack... Enough of that crap... Last night Drummergirl & I went & got our somewhat matching tattoos of our band logo. Her tat is on her back & mine is on my other forearm. Very cute, both of them. DG did so well & she didn't cry. I think hers is more hardcore because they were playing Slayer while she was getting her's done, so that automatically makes her more hardcore. The artist would pause while inking her to stop & air guitar. He ruled. Mine was less exciting though the air guitaring & air drumming continued with the punk band we were listening to while I was getting inked. After DG wanted to go out & kick someone's ass. No one in particular, just anyone. I love my new tat. It is sooo cute. All my other tats are no where near cutesy so I love this one. I almost feel like a pirate which in my book is a big plus. Basically it's what is on the drum in the picture....

Zombies, Bitch Tits, Dead Pigeons & Freak Babies....

Yesterday I was walking to my bus stop after work & saw either a woman with mutton chops or a man with the biggest bitch tits I have ever seen. I wish I had a camera phone. As a added plus, they were squeezed into a lark puttin around with a bottle of something in a paper bag. Then when I got to my bus stop, I saw a pigeon get hit by a car & it made the most gnarly "POP!". I have never heard a pop like that. It haunts me now. Plus the dead pigeons little pigeon pal was hanging around for it. Poor little guys... Then a man was walking towards me, but he walked like a zombie, so of course the first thought I have is kill the head & the body will die. Then he comes up to me to tell me "you are so purdy. Are you dating anyone?" instead of trying to eat my head. I was relieved & answered appropriately. Hey, he may walk like a zombie, but it takes guts to talk to someone, so instead of chopping his head off I was nice. When I was on the bus, there was a woman with a baby on her lap. The baby was probably like 8 months, but it was tiny. It was itty bitty freakishly little. That got me thinking... I wonder what dwarf or midget babies look like....

"Scrot" is my all time favorite...

I'm bored. Delinquency notices have hit so I am stuck on the phones listening to pissed off & crying people who are giving me every excuse in the book, so while I am supposed to listen & care, I am going to list words that I think are funny. Please feel free to add any you see fit...

Taint
Scrot
Pull
Butt
Box
Stick
Unit
Staff
Beaver
Walrus
Poop
Kaka
Dookie
Dook
Sharts
Fart
Blumpkin
Vulva
Vagina
Anal
Poop-log
Sphincter

I will add more as I see fit...

Keep me away from the leather seats...

I think I know why I have been an emotional wreck lately. I think I ovulated today. I am sure I felt it this morning & when I just went to the potty, I had to wipe like 20 times. Ladies you know what I am talking about. If I sat somewhere naked, I would slip off the seat. Yucky...

Mensa & Lil' Lazy Eye representin' the west side, ese...

Thanks to Mensa for this delicious picture of us at the Chola/Vato party a couple of months ago... Notice the slanted eyes, as you can tell, I was under the influence. Gawd, how white am I? Really, I am Mexican & Greek. Thanks Mensa for making me laugh & the comment about little Thea Homme.. You know the kid would come out of the womb with a cigarette in it's mouth. On a sad note, I have to say good by to my cigarettes for awhile. I am actually sad about it. I LOVE to smoke, as most of you know. I smoke like a good Greek girl should, but when I have my surgery done I have to say goodbye to my little cancerous friends. I know most of you are saying "HURRAY!", but I really love to smoke, so I am very sad....

Daddy Issues, Vomit & Titty Bitting

I was still feeling slightly blue when I got home on Saturday. I had to go to my Goddaughters/cousins birthday party so I sucked it up & went with my mom, grandma & nephew. Well my grandma said she had a surprise for me. It turned out to be a photo album with lots of pictures in it. Pictures of me as a baby, as a kid & lots of pictures of the family n such. Very nice, except there were a lot of pictures of me & my dad. That made me feel like shit since I haven't heard from him in over a month. I know my dad is a complete asshole, but he's still my dad & I miss him. Then I turn the pages & there's douchebag & me. Oh great, more men that have abandoned me or broke my heart. I know I have daddy issues, who doesn't. Then comes more abuse from males in my life. When the nephew & I get home from the party, I was changing him into his PJs & I guess he had a little bit too much fun because he vomited all over me. Nice. I think he felt better after because he was laughing. Yesterday I was watching the beastos once more & we were playing. We have a little game where I lay on the floor & he beats me up. I know I am 5-9 & he is like 2 ft tall, but he's a cutie & the only male in the world I'll let hit me.. Well, we were playing & he gets really excited & bites my boobie. Holy shit, that hurt soooo bad. I almost cried. Even though he has only 6 teeth, he held on & shook like a dog. Now my girls are EXTREMELY sensitive. I can tell you which way the wind is blowing or when there is a temperature change. Beastos thought it was the funniest thing in the world & went back for a second bite. I held him back & cried a little on the inside. Now my gal has a bruise in the shape of mini teeth. That about sums up my weekend...

Because Sad Clown is How I feel on the Inside...

Another sad clown day. Don't worry Monkeygirl, no pictures of scary crying clowns. Maybe it's because I had to be up & 5 and at work by 6 & it's Saturday. I am sure listening to NIN hasn't helped either. Won't go into details, but just feeling blue & alone. The usual. Maybe I can talk Kiki into a couple of bottles of wine tonight & we can sit around listening to PJ Harvey, NIN & Liz Phar & bitch about men & how much they suck & how much we miss them...

Life Is Good...

I was having such a crappy day & then I stumble upon this. God does work in mysterious ways..

13....Being a Uber-Bitch & Gummy Bears...

I woke up pissy. The cats were going at it at 5:00 this morning & woke me up. Then I got on the bus & some chick asked me for money & gave me the same sob story she gave me 2 weeks ago. I called her on it, "Didn't you ask me for money two weeks ago for the same reason? And no I am not going to give you any money". I guess I scared her because I sounded like a uber-bitch & she apologized profusely & changed seats. I expect to be asked for money on the streets. That's just how it is and I know it accept it, but when you ask me for money when I am eating in a restaurant or trying to commute to work I will be a super bitch about it. First of all I work damn hard for what I have & I will be damned if I will give even a penny up to someone who doesn't work. Call me a heartless bitch, but it's my money & if I'd rather wipe my ass with a dollar bill than give it to someone who asks me for money, that's my fuckin' prerogative. Seriously, I get asked for money in this city on a daily basis. When I was in New York fuckin' City, I didn't get asked once. Never. Yesterday when I was at work, I was talking to this guy who didn't want to pay his taxes because he is a recovering drug addict and had a note from his psychiatrist. I told him "No". First of all, I am a fuckin' tax collector. I'm evil, the bible says it. Jesus does not love me. Second everyone knows that there are two things certain in life; death & taxes. Third there is nothing I can do. It's the law & you gotta pay up. Fourth, that's one of the lamest excuses I've heard & I hear a lot of them. Fifth, I don't care if you cry or tell me that I am the most horrible person in the world, this is what I am paid to do. I don't give a fuck. I am a heartless bitch when it comes to my job & that is why I am so good at what I do. Anyways, this guy hangs up on me & calls back & gets my co-worker & asks her if "she's the mean lady". That made me laugh. I've made countless people cry. Not just women, but men also. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. Great, now I sound like my dad... On a completely different note, I wonder how many gummy bears I would have to eat before my dook looks like fruit cake? Or if I eat them whole, will they come out whole? Maybe a little experiment will make me feel better....

14.... Donkey Punching to Interpol....

I had a great time last night even though the concert sucked ass. Now I absolutely adore Interpol & they played great, it was the lame ass crowed that sucked big dirty cock. Freeborn Hall was only half filled at the most. Filled with Emo-Boys & their girlfriends. The crowd had no energy & the poor guys from Interpol just went through the motions of the show. Very sad stuff. Now when I get bored, I do things to keep myself amused or else I'd probably hurt people. So at first Kiki, Monkeygirl, Mensa & I were playing "Pick out your Emo boyfriend", which was a smashing success. But it was almost like shooting fish in a sad sad hair gelled barrel. I spit my gum out on the floor & for an hour, Monkeygirl & I were watching to see who would step in it. 2 people walked on it, but it didn't stick. Monkeygirl & I were trying to dance like 2 of the girls around us who if had a map tattooed on their body couldn't find the beat. I have to give them props for feeling the music, because I wasn't. Then I made the comment that the lead singer from Interpol sounded like Rob Schneider from B-52's which in turn caused Mensa to sing along with the rest of the Interpol songs but like Rob Schneider & singing "Rock Lobster". Next time you are listening to Interpol, try it, it works. On the car ride home, Kiki, Monkeygirl & I were singing Interpol songs, but changing the lyrics to "Donkey Punching, Jelly Doughnuts" & I think you get my drift. Once again it works. Try it. I did find out another sex term, "Walrus", which is funny & makes sense when you think about it. So to sum up the experience now before I ramble on because I am tired & it is early & I am supposed to be working; listening to Interpol usually makes me want to hump, but the feeling wasn't there last night due to the lack of energy the crowd had. Once again, I HATE DAVIS!!!!

15....Daniel & I...

Went to the doctors yesterday & I get to go in for surgery on Oct 10th. Not only is my right sinus so fucked up that it is actually swelling out pushing into my skull, I also have a deviated septum. YEAH!! Well at least in a month I will be able to breathe. The only thing is that I will be out of work for a week & have to sleep like the Elephant Man for about a week. For those of you that have never seen the movie, I have to sleep sitting up. Plus I can't bend over, blow my nose, go swimming & eat spicy foods for a while. On the plus side I get to see what I would look like if I ever got into a fight. I hope to go out into public with various men in my life, ie: friends, brother etc, while it looks like I've been beaten just to make people think they are wife beaters & beating me. Tonight Monkeygirl, Kiki & I are traveling to evil Davis for the Interpol show. I can't wait. They put on a great show. I saw them a couple of years ago at The Fillmore. Plus hanging out with Kiki & Monkeygirl is always fun. Let's see how many Emo-boys we can make cry.... The above picture is from our show with the infamous Daniel... How I love little dancing gay men who'll let you touch their balls for $2...

16... I'm Sweet....

I stole this from RDCHINO, the smart bastard, who stole this from someone else... Go to google & type in your "(name) is" including the quotation marks & see what you find...

Althea is an IMAP client for X Windows that uses the GTK widget set. (what the hell is a widget?)

The Althea is on the Via Delle Caldaie at #25 (not lately)

ALTHEA is a beautiful female goddess (oh yeah, baby)

The original Althea is not actually for sale (well, for the right price)

Althea is designed in the Italian style as the ideal ensemble (well actually I was designed in the Greek & Mexican style)

Althea isa very professional harpsichord and one of our busiest rental instruments (um, okay)

Althea is an erect perennial herb (teeheehee...erect)

Althea is faced with a difficult choice (to whore or not to whore)

Althea is regarded by many as the Greek goddess of healing. (or the Greek Goddess of rockin'!)

Althea is not always interested in doing the wrong thing. (yeah right)

Althea is a stripper with a horrible childhood (not a stripper, normal crappy childhood)

Althea is a puller of spirits, (I'm a puller alright, but not of spirits)

Althea is sweet (there are too many to go on, so I'll end with this gem)

17...Kitten balls & a dead squirrel

Papi Pequeno is doing fine without his balls. I wish I had a digital camera so I could take before & after pictures because his nards were HUGE. On another note, one of my co-workers was telling me about a funny smell in her car that she can't find the source. That reminded me of my squirrel in the engine story. Now most people who know me know that I absolutely love squirrels. They are my favorite animals. I know they are just tree rats with tails, but I think rats are cute & anything with a bushy tails are adorable. When I lived on C & 25th there was a fire in an apartment building right across the street from our apartment one night. Big fire & lots of fire trucks. They put it out & no one was hurt, or at least I thought. The next couple of days I started to smell something funky in my car. Well the city dump was not far from my apt & sometimes in the summer our neighborhood would smell like the dump if the wind was blowing in our direction. I went out & got some car air fresheners & didn't anything of it until the stench started to get worse. Drummergirl & I were doing something, coffee, shopping, robbing & pillaging, & we were driving around in my car & she noticed the smell too. She recommended that we pop the hood to make sure nothing was in there. When we got to her house, we popped it & found the above picture. Drummergirl screamed & dropped the hood & I started giggling. We ran & got Mockula & told her to get her digital camera. She came out & took the picture with her eyes closed. Then came the dreaded question, who's going to pull it out. Well since it was my car, I was the obvious contender, but being a girl & feeling bad about killing a squirrel, I couldn't do it. So I drove home freaked out that the squirrel would heat up & explode. My then boyfriend was out of town & my brother wasn't answering the phone. I guess I would have to do it. But when I got home, Kiki's then boyfriend was there & said he would do it. Being the hardcore punkrocker he was, he grabbed it without gloves & ran around telling us to look at it's balls. Poor little guy was crispy. We said a few words & threw it in the garbage....

20.... The Article That Never Was...

I was just cleaning out some of the stuff on my computer here at work & came across this little gem my ex & I wrote together for Shortbus Mag, sadly, a defunct zine from my hometown. The names have been changed to protect the douchebag.... Oh, BTW, after I turned this in to the editor of the zine, who thought it was hilarious, I was told it was a bit "much" for the publication...
BITCH SLAP
By Gynagirl & Douchebag

Duchebag & I were sitting around on the front porch drinking Pabsts talking and the discussion turned to our favorite demeaning sex acts i.e.: Dirty Sanchez & Donkey Punching, when we realized that they were all aimed toward Women & gay men and there wasn’t really anything that a woman could do to demean a man in bed other than the obvious which is biting it off, so we came up with some of our own…

Wet Wilma
Kind of like “The Dirty Sanchez” in that the woman inserts her finger into her hoodilihoo & sticks it under her mans nose at an inopportune time.

Crotching Tiger Flaming Dragon
While giving manual stimulation, the lady sneaks in a handful of tiger balm while her victim is otherwise preoccupied.

Claps & Poof
While the gentleman is giving oral pleasure, the chica traps her man’s head so he is unable to retreat & whispers brown secrets in his face using her starfish.

Juice Quiefton
Playing with the Queen of farts… While her man is performing orally, the woman tries to save up all her love juice & lets it go all at once using her PC muscles right in his face… Kind of like a money shot…

Redrum
The female “forgets” that aunt Flo is in town & proceeds with copulation. (This is only funny if the man in her life has light colored bedding & it’s dark during the act.)

“P” SpotThe Woman save’s up a little urine for when she is about to climax & then lets it go all over him, claiming that he “hit (her) “G” spot”.

Still 21....

I had a dream last night that we opened for Violent Femmes & The Cowboy Junkies at the filmore, so I am listening to the new Cowboy Junkies & they have a outstanding version of U2's "One" that has made me cry. Sometimes I forget I am a girl...

21...

I got one of my new tattoos last night! It is way cool. It's not any of the ones I had posted here. I can describe it as swirly-coils that go from my wrist to my elbow on my forearm. The gods were kind to me because the shop was playing QOTSA "Rated R" as I was getting it done. I couldn't of asked for a better album to be played.

22....WHOOOO!!!!

It doesn't matter when or how many times I've listened to any Nine inch Nails albums, it always makes me go "WHOOOO!!!" on the inside. Really, I am that drunk guy who wears the bands t-shirts to the concerts who yells "WHOOO!!!" through out the whole show. I am that guy on the inside when I listen to NIN. Listening to them make me want to beat someone up. Really beat someone to a pulp. I feel like I am in high school again. I am drunk, crying & screaming the lyrics to myself, over some dumb boy. Even on the new album, Trent knows the teen angst that still lives in my heart..WHOO!!!!!

23....

The show on Friday was a success. We were able to get over $60 for our share of the door to donate to the hurricane victims. The Gynas care... Daniel showed up & showed everyone his twig & berries. I think that freaked everyone out. I thought it was hilarious especially because my mom was there. Got a bit boozy & I think I scared a friend of Drummer Girls boyfriend. I was blabbing on about how your vagina falls out when you get old. You know, the normal for me when I get boozy. Speaking of vagina's; the captain is in town this week & I need to ask the ladies something, do you ever put in a tampon kinda sideways? This morning I was in a rush to get to work & I put the damn thing in. I did notice that it was put in wrong, but I hoped it would correct itself. It didn't so I run into work late walking funny. This sucks about as much as when your pad gets flipped on the edge & grabs your pubes & yanks them out every time you move a millimeter... Ah the joys of being a girl.

27..... OOPAH!!!!

As some of you may know, the Greek Food Festival is this weekend at the convention center downtown. Come & eat, dance & do shots of ouzo off of Yanni's 6-pack! Some people you may not know were part Greek.... Tommy Lee (his sisters name is "Althea"), Billy Zane, Jeff Buckley, Jennifer Aniston, Tom Hanks wife (whats her face) & countless other people who rule because of the Mutha Land... Yes, all Greeks are this obnoxious. BTW, I have no clue who these people are, but the costumes are real... Peace out....MALLAKAS!!!!

PS. That means "jerk off"
Skatah = Shit
Putana= Whore
Milos=Apple

Let The Countdown Commence...28...

When I woke up this morning, I heard the Darth Vader theme running through my head. "Why?" you may ask, well there are 28 days until I turn 30 & I'm starting to freak out. I was okay with it until today. I don't know why I am freaking out. I know there isn't a real reason why I should, it's another day. My head won't explode. It's not my expiration date or anything, but I still am freaking. I feel like I should be out in the forest naked living off the earth for the next 28 days to prove that I've learned something & I deserve to live another 30 more years. Instead, I think I will take up drinking when I can so that the next 28 days will be more of a blur or dream....

PS. The Mermaid is winning so far. If anyone has any other suggestions please email them to me ASAP or post them in my comments. I only have about 2 weeks before I get them...

I forgot!!

Some little things that made me happy recently that I forgot to write about....

1. I got to feel a saline breast. On a woman. Feels like a water balloon. As I was squeezing her booby, I was squeezing mine & comparing. Then she grabbed mine & her's at the same time to compare also. I can cross that off my list of things to do before I die.

2. As many of you know, I ride public transit to work everyday instead of shelling out $120 to park at work every month. Public transit always has a special little something for me. Well, as I was waiting for my bus last week, there was a white guy who was retardedly special waiting also, but he was also talking mad shit & loudly like a gansta. That guy ruled.

3. On the bus there was a person that was sitting down but leaning forward with their heads on their arms on the seat in front of them. I am not sure if it was a man or woman because it had boobs, but also had a mullet. He/She was listening to some butt rock on a walkman & every once in a while would sit up & air drum for 20 seconds then put his/her head back down until the next drum solo. Precious....

You want me to put that where?!?!?!

Ah, the smell of pig & cow poo in the air & lots of fried food on a stick. I went to the State Fair last night with my bro & Beastos. Had lots of fun. Weather was nice & not too many people. I ate a nice big jumbo corndog & had a pineapple shake. Delicious! The state fair is the only time I will have a corndog. No corncob on a stick, though. I was sad because I was full from the jumbo dog & didn't want to eat anymore, so no eggroll on a stick. They had these HUGE bricks of french-fries. Like they filled the fry basket full of french-fries & then just slipped them out squirted nacho cheese on it. Had to pass on that. They did have a mechanical bull there. I know, you saying, "Gynagirl, did you ride it"? No sadly I didn't. I know that it is one of my goals to ride one before I die, but the situation wasn't right. I wasn't drunk or with my girls. Plus I had to pee. I won't pee at the fair. I have no problem pooing in famous places, but I can't pee at the state fair. That's just nasty. Girl has to have standards.

Are You Retarded Or Just Weird?

Oh, I forgot to tell you all about another wacky thing that happened to me. I was at the store with my nephew on Saturday. I was in the baby aisle looking at baby food. While Beastos & I were laughing at the nasty choices they have for babies concerning food, (okay just me, but he was laughing because I was laughing) a normal looking man wearing an expensive looking Hawaiian shirt & docker shorts came up to me. He looked like a newscaster. He looked at my arms & asked about my tattoos. Just the usual, "Did it hurt? How long did it take?" blah blah blah. Then he looks behind me & sees the ones on my back probably because I am wearing a tank top & facing him sideways. He seems normal so far, just silly questions trying to understand the youth of today, trying to be hip or something. Then he grabs me & swings me around so that my back is to him & he pulls down the top of my tank to take a look at the ones on my back, then he says "OOH! There's more on the bottom!!!" like a "special" person. Then he lifts up my tank & pulls the waist of my pants down to take a look at the ones on my back. I pull away & turn around about to bitch slap him, but he has that "special Corky" look in his eyes, like it is Christmas or something, so I just say "Bye Bye" grab the shopping cart with my nephew, who is a year old & is also thinking this guy is a total freak & get the hell away from him.

Wait! Is that a baby at the end of the bar???

The show on Friday was a big success. We all had lots of fun. Here are some of the highlights according to me...

1. There was a kid in the bar the whole night. He had to have been no more than three years old. How fucking trashy is that? I love it!

2. One band had a dancer named Daniel. I dubbed him Richard Simmons Pirate. He had on blue short shorts & rainbow suspenders & did really good gay dancing. He danced for us also which I was absolutely ecstatic over. I told my pals that I want one too. It was like when I was a kid & saw Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory & I told my parents I wanted a Oopha Loompa. I think they are coming up to play at my birthday show! Oh, Daniel, my gay dancing loverboy....

3. Only 2 people got my costume. We all were pirates, but I had the word "BUTT" inked on a t-shirt... Butt-Pirate... Get it? Well, not a lot of people did. Maybe because I am a girl & not a gay man... Oh well, I thought it was funny & the 2 other people did too...

4. I learned how to burp "Arrgghhh". Thanks to the PBR, which unfortunately was $3 a pint. What the hell is that about?

All in all a great show with a great line up. If you want more details to the show check out our myspace account under bloggs.

Blogger Spam

Sorry I have to do this to you guys, but you have to do that type in the letters & numbers thing so you can leave a message. Too much spam... Curse on the spam house!!!!

I Need Your Thea Expertise...

I am planning on getting two tattoo's next month for my birthday. One is The Gyna skull & bones & I also need to get another one so I have an odd number of tattoos. If you really need to know why I need an odd number, well, I want 9 tattoos. 9 is my favorite number. I was born in the 29th day of the 9th month in an odd year. Even numbers freak me out. When I have an even number of tattoos, bad luck follows me, so I need to get two more to reach my numeric goal of 9. I want to be done with them by my 30th. See, I told you I was weird. So I am getting The Gyna logo on my right forearm in black or maybe pink. I need another to go on my left forearm. I need my tattoos to be symmetrically place on my body... I know, I am super weird... So here are my three contenders so far... Please be honest & tell me what you think. Whether you think they are retarded or neat-o....

Mermaid

She's really cute & simple. I love mermaids, BTW.

Sassy French Kitty

For obvious reasons, this little girl is cute! I can also color her in to look like Billie....

Shag Kitty

Very cute & simple. I am thinking that I can change her around a little to look like Billie.

Sad Clown Day

You know, this morning I woke up in an awesome mood. The birds were singing, the cats didn't bother me so I slept like a log, the weather was gorgeous outside soI felt so good & happy I decided to put on makeup & wore a skirt to work today. Then my first phone call hits & it's some snatch of an old bag who continues to yell at me. It was 8:10 am. Even after that bad phone call, I was still chipper. Then the next phone call I get, BAM! another snatch. Then the rest of the day goes downhill & I am writing this and it's only noon... Now my nephew is sick again & we have to cancel his birthday party (BTW he's okay, just a little sicky-poo) & now I have a headache the size of Texas. It won't go away. Oh well, I'll quit complaining & get to work...argggghhhh....

ARE YOU TEMPTED BY THE MOLDS, TREES & DUSTMITES OF MY WORLD?!?!?!

I got the second set of allergy tests done today & man, my arms are sore, welted & itchy. Good news is that I can now get allergy shots done! Yippy!!! EvilBetty just had to poke at the welts. Heads up, don't let anyone poke at your welts. It hurts. In other news, I got my new stapler at work & man oh man it's nice....

Aye Homme!

Damn you, you delicious man... On the day I declare my celibacy you visit me in my dreams. Tempt me into doing naughty things... Sucks being single sometimes, especially when I think I am starting to hit my sexual peak. Oh well, I guess I will tweaker clean my house tonight. On the bright side, in that same dream I had really good hair...

Being a Whore & Understanding the Beauty of Nature....

First off, everyone knows that I am not very educated when it comes to art. I am not an artsy fartsty type of gal. I like things or I don't. Usually I dig the pretty paintings of mermaids. That said, you have to watch this movie. It is a documentary called "Rivers and Tides". It is about Andy Goldsworthy & his art. He goes out into nature & creates from nature. Not only are his creations gorgeous & amazing, his philosophy about nature & his art is very deep & beautiful. I can't say anymore but WATCH THIS MOVIE!!!!

Drummer girl is usually the only one who I tell my dreams to, but she said I should Blogg some of these, so I am going to blogg the one I had last night...
We were on a retreat or camp for bands & there were about 20 local bands at this camp. I wake up in my dream from a bender & it seems that I had blacked out 10 days of the trip. You guys tell me that I slept with 4 bands. You guys say that I was having fun & didn't realize that I was so messed up. It was like I knew that days had passed, but it was seriously like I had just woken up. Very bizarre. So the rest of the dream I am going around to guys & asking them if I slept with them. Everyone was very cool about it. Strange....

On that note, I found out last night that my little cousin is pregnant. Not to get into the details, my concern is of her of course, but also for myself. For those of you who know my family, you know I am not exaggerating when I say that things come in fives. For those of you that don't know my family, let me put it this way; if one person gets pregnant, three or four others will too, within months of each other. There were FIVE pregnant girls in my family last year... FIVE!!! It's not just with the cousins either. Look at all my cousins. There are always 3 or 4 of us the same age. Now I am extremely worried. So worried that I am going to be celibate until I get to Europe. Now some of you may be saying "Gynagirl is overreacting", but my number is up on the baby list. I've dodged it for the past couple of years, but there isn't anyway I can dodge it this time. There are only three of us who could possibly have babies right now. Three... The gods won't be happy with that. So the only way to make sure I won't be posing in pictures with cousins or cousins wives sideways with our huge bellies at Christmas time is to not have the hot hot bang bang until I get to Europe....

Teabaggin' with Netflix!

There are two things I am really diggin right now. The first thing is the "Lipton Cold Brew" tea bags I bought the other day. I drink tons of water when I am at work. I have a huge 32oz cup that I fill & refill at least 3 to 4 times a day. Now & then I get sick of drinking water, so I finally bought the cold brew tea bags. I love iced tea, but I don't really like the store bought kind in a bottle, maybe because I bought a Arizona Ice Tea years ago that had yucky stuff floating around in it. It looked like worms. I realized it BEFORE I drank it, thank gawd. Now I am put off of by canned or bottled ice tea. I brewed it up & whooey! It tasted great! Like sun tea. I give it 2 thumbs wayyyyy up. The second thing I am totally digging right now is "Netflix". I signed up for it last week & I love it! I get my movies within 2 days of shipping because they come from West Sac. So by the time I get my old movies in the mail, 2 days later, I have my new movies waiting for me in the mail at home. I don't have to worry about going across town to drop them off, I just put them in the mail. I sit on the computer & scroll through thousands of movies & just add ones I may want to see on my queue list. Then I can mess with the order of shipping. There are at least 20 movies in my queue right now. I can rent stupid girlie movies staring Jennifer Lopez without being embarrassed. Usually I get self conscience when I am at Blockbusters walking around with some dumb chick flick, but now if I want to waste two hours watching some stupid romance movie, I can without feeling guilty about who's going to see me rent the atrocity!

On a completely different note....

On a completely different note, one of our neighbors has gotten a rooster. It crows in the morning, and has kind of a strange crow -- which explains why I woke up from a dream that a retard was singing Danzig's "Mother."

That has to be the funniest quote I've heard in a long time... Thanks Mockula! So I started the morning going to an allergist who proceeded to prick me with 60 needles & insert things that would make my skin burn & itch. It hurt like hell & now I am all itchy & my back looks like "A Man Called Horse". But now I know that I am allergic to molds & dust mites. I have to go back in next week so they can insert bubbles of itchy stuff under my skin using hypodermic needles so they can see what other kinds of stuff I am allergic to. On the bright side, I will be getting allergy shots from now on. I had about 45 mins before I had to go to my next appointment, so I filled my car with gas & washed her purdy shinny. It cost me $27 to fill my little compact car. It used to cost me $10... Like I don't want to go into the math thing, but that is like almost 200% rise in 10 years... Or something like that. Then I went to my next appointment for my um, ahem (see above). Let me tell anyone who is thinking about going into Gynocology that will you PLEASE warm up the speculum. Seriously. It was ice cold. One thing I don't want my vagina to be is ice cold... Boys, that is the thingy they open you up with to take a look at yer hooha.... I won't go into the results ("into" haha that's funny because I'm talking about my vagina) but lets say things aren't worse than they were before so that is a good thing. The doctor used "low grade" a lot during the exam which made me feel like I was filling my car with gas again...

Yup. Still think it's funny....

Yup. Still think it's funny....
Originally uploaded by gynagirl.

Papi Pequeno is Feline HIV & Lukemia free! He gets fixed next month.

So Wrong...

So Wrong...
Originally uploaded by gynagirl.

I just got back from the ENT doctor & my sinuses are inindated with polyps & cysts. He said that the things jumping around in there aren't Muppets, but the polyps...

How wrong is this picture. You would be surprised how many erotic pictures of Miss Piggy I found by key wording Miss Piggy.

millie-potty-b

millie-potty-b
Originally uploaded by gynagirl.

Testing to see how this blog picture thing works.

Everyone Sexy Dance!!!

If I ever had to write a dissertation, it would be on "Sexy Dancin'". SD is the dancing that goes on when a woman/man has had wayyyy too much to drink & start to shake their groove thang for the sole purpose of getting some. It's basically "Whooo!!! I'm drunk & hot & oh so sexy... Look at me & want me!" gyrating. There is an art to it. It's beautiful. It's like watching drunk birds doing a mating dance but with high heels, smeared makeup & boobies popping out. I think I am going to write a "Sexy Dancin'" song now. Hopefully it'll make people want to sexy dance...

Poot!

Here's another tale about my butt...
I was in the restroom at work when one of my co-workers came in & we both were talking to each other about work stuff while we were tinkling. I really had to pee. Like really bad. So while I let the stream go, I totally ripped one out & then more & more. I couldn't stop my ass from speaking & pee at the same time. If I stopped the pee, it would've hurt, so I just got real quite which made the ass echo worse.... I was actually embarrassed.

RIP Muffin McSeamus (06/04-08/01/05)

La petite Muffin
So sweet & puffy

Sorry the SPCA murdered you in your youth
Maybe you couldn't be apart from Cootie

Your big purrs from your tiny body
Your love was too big for this world....

The Mutha Land Is Calling Me Home & Fruit Epifanys

My uncle was telling me that since both parents have Greek lineage, I can apply to the Greek consulate & get dual citizenship! That means I can get a European Passport & not have to get a work visa if I want to work over there during my big adventure! In any country!!!!

I saw on Friday a peach pit laying on the ground. I thought to myself "why don't I like to eat peaches"? well, first it feels like I am biting into flesh & second the pit looks like the underside of a scrot....

Honeydew tastes like muppets.... That is the only way I can explain it... Yes the little puppets. Not any specific muppets, just all the muppets.....

You want me to what?

I was just told by upper management that if I need to blow my nose, I either have to go to the restroom or to a vacant office as to not offend any customers.... Monkeygirl, is that legal?

Hot Vomit Pocket

Ok, I'm not gonna front. I like Hot Pockets. They are pretty tasty. They sure do hit the spot when you want a snack but not a meal. Due to the amount of fat & bad stuff, I haven't had one in years, so while I was at the store this weekend, I saw that they now have "Ultra Lean Hot Pockets". Boy o boy was I excited. They only had 3 kinds to choose from. Philly Cheese Steak... Don't think so... Ham & Cheese... Don't dig the swine & Combo Pizza. I bought the combo pizza. Well I had forgotten about it until last night. While I was fishing around in my freezer for ice, I stumbled upon the Combo Pizza Ultra Hot Pocket... Yippie! My first warning should have been the fact that these don't have the hot pocket sleeve. So I place the naked pocket on a paper towel & threw it in my microwave for 2 mins. I waited in anticipation... I heard the bing & waiting 2 mins for it to cool down... I felt like it was x-mas & I was 8 again & for sure was going to get the Barbie Condo with the elevator... I sat down on my couch & got comfy & turned up Judge Judy (I love her because she is such a bitch). I took a bit & a taste moved through my mouth... Cardboard? no.... Moldy towel... Closer... Particle board.... BINGO. I look & see the outside is some wheat concoction. It actually sucked all the moisture out of my mouth! NASTY. The inside was okay, but it was the pocket that taste like ass.... I should have known it was too good to be true....

Geddy Lee in Hot Pants...

Here's proof.... Thanks Monkeygirl for the heads up on the link...

http://www.trashfilmorgy.com/gallery/index.php?currDir=./2005/Show-4-Beyond-the-Valley-of-the-Dolls&pageType=image&image=DSCF0262.jpg

2112 IN HOT PANTS....

I went to the catfight Mod Vs Rocker party & meet up with Kiki, Mensa, Monkeygirl & Mockula. Kiki was suffering from a toothache that was prescribed the Peaches cure... Drink the pain away... Mockula was looking absolutely FABULOUS as a mod. Monkeygirl was a cutie as usual & have I ever mentioned that she has great boobies? Mensa was looking suave & deboner in his fancy suit. Saw some peeps I know including my brothers friends. Stayed there only a short while before Monkeygirl, Mockula & I left to go to the Trash Film Orgy. Beyond the Valley of the Dolls was playing. The greatest B film EVER. Flyer said that the doors open at 11 so we got there around 11:30 to check out the festivities & maybe get a drink. We get there & get our tickets & stand in line....For 45 mins... It's still 90 degrees & muggy. We start getting angry & cranky... Plus there are multiple freaks there. Usually I am all about individuality but that stopped when I saw Geddy Lee in hot pants... Long story short; they wouldn't let anyone in until 12:15 & by then it was too late because the movie wasn't going to start until 1 or so, so we got our money back & went home...

On My Way to Being a Crazy Cat Lady....

Ok... I can't give away Papi Pequeno now. He's my baby. He is now cuddling & purring on me. Plus He & Gary are brothers & best friends now. It would kill Gary if Papi went away. Plus Billie really isn't a cat per say. All she does is sleep & eat. She is more of a pretty black & white rug who poops....

It's a foreign Object in there!!!

My doc called with the results of my head x-ray & they can see a cyst or something in my left sinus! I am so relieved that there is something in there & that I'm not imagining it. I get refered to an ENT specialist this week! Hopefully I will be sniffle free from now on!!! I bet it's something I stuck up my nose as a child.... Okay, maybe as an adult too.... I am kinda afraid to see x-rays of my head. I don't like skulls. They freak me out & to see a picture of my own skull may really freak me out... ewww...

Dookie Story

It's been a while since I have talked about my poop & I have some time to burn before I can get off of work, so here is a nice little tale about my dook....

I was in Vegas on vacation with my friend, Hooserchino. We had drank all night & hit a cheap buffet downtown. A couple of hours later, I felt a rumble in my tummy, so I told Hooserchino to play some slots because I was going to be a while. I went into a casino bathroom & thank gawd, it was empty. I chose the stall that was furthest from the door. There had to be 20 stalls in the restroom. It was huge. I felt all the beer & buffet come out in a rush that wouldn't stop. It hurt so much it felt good. Well I heard the door open and a couple of elderly women come in. Of course one chooses the one right next to me out of the 20 that were empty. I even shuffled around so that they knew I was there. Well I hear her enter the stall, pull out a toilet seat cover & the I hear her sniff & gag repeatedly. Good times....

RIP COOTIE....1988(?)-JULY 06, 2005

Amazing Coodes
How sweet the cat
That slept the last 5 years.

He once was lost
And at the pound

Was old & now he's free....


We'll miss you Cootie....

The Cameo Conspiracy

I went downstairs to the little store located in my work building on my lunch to pick up a diet cherry Pepsi to quench my thirst on this hot summer day. Little did I know that I would come to realize & discover the biggest musical conspiracy of my lifetime....

THE CAMEO CONSPIRACY!!!!


Cameo's "Word Up" was playing on the radio & it was blasting. People were grooving to it. It was pretty packed in the store as it was lunch time. Young & old, everyone was grooving even if they didn't realize it. Then it hit me..... No one can dance to this song & look cool. It is impossible. Now I like "Word Up". I think it is a phenomenal song, but for some reason the grooving beat doesn't translate well into dancing. No one can dance to this song & not look like an idiot. No one. Cameo created this great, grooving & catchy song that has lasted close to 20 years as one of the best dance songs of all time that no one can dance to without looking like a complete dufus.. Brilliant!!!

Random Thoughts, Justin Timberlake & Pickles...

Nothing to exciting happening today, but I thought I'd try to write something anyways... I've been listening to JT all day & have I said lately how much I truly dig Justin Timberlake? Really, this album has great songs. At first I would obsess over trying to see the video & then I couldn't wait anymore & had to go on the outskirts of sac to buy the album. I was ashamed of my fascination of Justin. After I heard the CD, I came out to my friends & family. I loved Justin Timberlake & I am not ashamed anymore. I always am reminded of one fun summer evening when I ended up topless in the back of my car with Inca with Drummergirl driving & PBD in the front seat. Justin was able to get Inca & I topless by the end of the song....PS. This happened way before the Janet fiasco.

I always thought that if I had a sex saftey word, that I would have "Pickle" be my safety word.

Perplexing & Papi Muy Frio....

I was sitting outside on my lunch break when a guy walking by asks me "How are you doing?"
I say "Good. And you?"
He says "Don't ask."

Then he walks on. I thought I was weird....

Oh yeah, this morning I was freaking out thinking that I closed Papi Pequeno inside the refrigerator. He likes to sneak in there when I open it up. This morning I grabed my lunch & ran for the bus, but when I was actually sitting on the bus, I started to think about how I didn't see him when I left the house. I saw Billie & Gary, but no Papi. I freaked out & woke up my brother who had to come down to my work to get my house key to make sure I didn't lock Papi in the frig by accident. He wasn't in the frig, thank gawd. I still feel stupid, though....

Happy National Tapioca Pudding Day!!!

Seriously, I love tapioca pudding. That is all I have to say for today. Let us all reflect on the delicious dessert confection known as Tapioca Pudding....

Thoughts About Dookie, Bowties & Cabbits....

Here I am at work early Saturday morning & my mind is starting to wonder. My co-worker, Evil Betty, was telling me about a dream he had the night before about him being stuck in the girls bathroom pooping in front of all of his co-workers. Then I started to think about my co-workers pooping. I've already thought about Evil Betty dooking. It was a drunken' night out with the co-workers & I asked everyone what color bowtie could they see Evil Betty wearing while he was growing a tail.... Yes I know I am weird... But just think about anyone you know; co-workers, family, friends, movie stars, leaders of the world, anyone. Now think about them naked, pooping on a toilet wearing a bowtie. Now what color & pattern is the bowtie. Funny stuff, stupid , but funny. Then I started to think about everything in the world that can poop, pooping. Everything looks stupid going caca, except fish. They don't look stupid pooping. Think about people, cats, dogs, horses, monkeys, anything... All stupid pooping.... It's not just that they look stupid pooping, you feel uncomfortable accidentally seeing them poop. It's odd. Why should I feel embarrassed when I see my cat pinch a loaf? They always have to be in the potty when I go. They don't seem embarrassed when I am sitting there reading for a while?

Enough about poop. Now I was surfing the web yesterday & I ended up watching a little video of a cat & a rabbit. The rabbit ends up trying to hump the cat. Funny stuff. Then I thought about Kiki & Inca swearing a couple of years ago that there were animals that were half cat & half bunny, cabbits. Kiki's boyfriend & I agreed that this is impossible, but they both swore up & down that their grandparents who had farms had seen this phenomenon. I told them that it was impossible for two different species to breed. I looked up on the internet & found that there is this breed of cat that has a bunny tail & funny back legs that they probably thought were cabbits. Then I showed them countless articles on the urban legend of the cabbit. They were crushed. Sorry girls...

Gary update....

Gary has a respiratory infection. Poor little guy. He had a temp of 104 at the vets yesterday. He is on meds now & doing better. Still sneezing all over mommy, but purring, eating & drinking like a good little kitty. He also weighed in at 12 lbs! He's not even a year old yet. I thought he was getting heavy when ever I have to pick him up, but I didn't think he was that big yet. He isn't fat like Billie, he's solid muscle. My little baby boy.... Boy oh Boy am I tired, broke (Gary's visit cost me $100) & covered in kitty snot...

I Hate Hormones....

PMSing...PMSing... All Fiona Apple & no play makes Gynagirl A hormonal mess... It doesn't matter if I'm angry or sad, I just start crying for stupid reasons.. Should I bring up the David Bowie's "Ground Control to Major Tom" fiasco? The song came on in my car on the radio & I was PMSing & started to bawl because it was so sad. Now I am listening to Fiona. Yes I know I am cruising for bruising, but I can't help it. At least I'm not listening to Jeff Buckley. It doesn't help that I am at work sniffling like a little girl. If this the price to pay for boobies, then I don't want them.. Plus my little Gary is sick. I have to take him to the vet tonight. I hope he'll be okay. They think it just might be a cold or something. I just want to go back home & crawl into bed & stay there until this is over, but who will pay all the vet bills?

Rose Baines & Vida Loca Pictures

I had the weirdest dream last night. I had a dream that an old mean lady named "Rose Baines" was haunting my bathroom. She was always being mean if I was in there. I told her to go to the light, but she wouldn't. I wasn't scared, I was annoyed. Hm. Strange. If anyone wants to check out some pictures from the Vida Loca gathering, here they some. There are a couple of M2S & I if you look real close. http://www.clubcatfight.net/_sgg/m4m7_1.htm

There are some really great get-ups. I didn't see Kiki or Inca in any of them, but trust me, they were getting down & dirty....

More Bad News, Papi Pequeno update & Freaking Like It Was 1988!

I'll start with the bad & end up with the good. I went to my great uncle's funeral on Friday, which was a nice service, & found out someone else died... After I promised my grandma that I would personally dig up my great grandfathers grave & bury her ashes with him, so I could stop her arguing with the guy burying my great uncles ashes, I found out that another person died. My mom didn't want to tell me when I was in New York & then she forgot. Friends of the family. His wife had died in October of Cancer & he couldn't stand to live without her, so he killed himself.

On to Papi. I took Papi to the vet Friday. He's 6 weeks old, so when I found him, he was only a month old. He does have ringworm, but other than that he is a very happy healthy kitty. All in all it'll cost me close to $300 for Papi. But this is a great Vet & it takes care of EVERYTHING. Fixed, shots, tests & everything. My mom talked my cousin into taking the cat for my goddaughters birthday at the end of August. It works out great. Papi will be done with all his stuff by then. Because of the ringworm, I tweaker cleaned my whole apartment on Saturday for like 8 hours. I even bleached the ceiling. Now Papi is quarantined, so now I am the biggest bitch in kitty land. Plus to add to my kitty popularity, I gave all the cats baths with the medicine just as a precaution. I know that they are plotting my demise while I sit here at work.

Saturday night Mensa 2 Society picked me up & we went to the Vida Loca party at the Golden Bear. He looked Vato-licious & I was representing Chola-hood with the black eyeliner & dark lipstick. I was not able to do my hair up like I used to in Jr High because it isn't layered that way, but I sported the dickies. Lots of people there were dressed so fly. Other than wanting to kill the DJ for mixing Morrissey & other music inbetween playing stuff like Cyprus Hill & Salt and Peppa, I had a smashing time. M2S & I freaked like we were in 8th grade all night long. Kiki & Inca met up with us a few hours into the dance-a-thon, & by then M2S & I were ripped beyond belief. It didn't take them too long to catch up to us though.. All in all I had a rocking time.

Ode To The Pain In My Organs

Why oh why, my love
Must you come when
I will be gone?

Will my heart, uterus & ears
be able to forgive me?
Should I cancel?

A day before my birthday.
A day to rock.
You & Trent speaking to me.

Oh sing to me
you tall hot man of red.
Play for me & my organs three.

I just found out from my Mensa to Society pal that QOTSA are opening up for NIN on September 28th. Instead of just bitching about how I am planning to be in New York that week for my birthday, I thought I would take a different route inspired by something I read yesterday... Mockula will know what I am talking about. I thought I would be dramatic & artistic in my angst....

The Whorification of Blitzkrieg Bop & Other Atrocities....

Yesterday I was watching TV & was horrified to notice that The Ramones were being used in two back to back ads. One for diet Pepsi & the other for a cell phone ad. Both ads used "blitzkrieg Bop". Thank god not one of my favorite songs from them. But still.... Come on. I guess it's like when Cadillac used Led Zeppelin. It still hurts.... Is anyone else pissed off that Britney Spears is having a baby before they are? I mean, come on! Don't get me started on Gwen Steffani's accessories.... 4 Japanese girls...

Stupid Organs, Heath Ledger & Nipples

I think my Gallbladder is acting up again. I was up most of last night with pain. I soooo can't take any time off from work for surgery. I think the potato salad did it. Stupid organ. I guess I have to stick to a no fat diet until I can pass the stupid stones on my own. On the bright side, I can stand to loose 100 lbs :)

Oh yeah, I just remembered I had a naughty dream last night about Heath Ledger. I don't even think I have ever seen a movie with this guy in it. I don't know why I dreamed of him. He's not even my type, well something of his was my type.... God I gotta get laid....

I was at a family function yesterday when my little cousin comes up to me & pulls down her shirt to show me that she got her nipples pierced. I told her how I passed out from the pain & that I took them out after a year because they never healed. I also was able to introduce her to Dr. Bromers. Good bonding until I realize that she was still in elementary school when I got mine done. Man I am getting old....

Why yes, Mr Homme, my wood does need chopping...

I've been here at work on a Saturday morning since 6 am. I am bored & amped on 3 cups of coffee. My mind wanders during times like these. I've been looking up hot pictures of my new boyfriend online. I have also been smelling my armpits. Let me explain. In the winter I can use girly deodorant because I don't sweat too much, but in the summer I have to switch to boy deodorant. I am half Mexican & half Greek & all stank if I don't have a heavy duty deodorant, so I am wearing some boy stuff. I am not used to it so I can get a wiff of it anytime I move around. Then I think to myself that it smells good so I sniff it some more. Then I think "yummy, it smells like a boy", & then I go off into dream land where Josh Homme is chopping wood with no shirt on....

Unbearable suckiness of Being....

Man, this last week has been the worst week. Really not for me first hand, but for a lot of people I know. First of all, my great uncle passed away. So I've been worried about my Grandma. I can't even imagine my brother passing away. Then kiki calls me & tells me that her ex's sister, zilla's auntie, was in a horrible accident & lost both her legs. She's a 25 single mom with a young daughter, who thank god, wasn't in the car with her. Then I lost it. Poor thing. Then my dad comes in & tells me that they have to be out of the house by Friday so I know that he put the dog to sleep without telling me. I told them that I wanted to be there when they put Beaker to sleep. She was really old, but still a very good dog. Then more drama happened that I can't really go into. Man, I am emotionally exhausted. Kundera had it right.... Even the dog died....

The Papi Pequeno Saga Continues...

I emailed the people who I got Gary from. RAIN is a great organization. Check them out if you ever are looking to get a new pet. http://www.rainanimals.org/
They rescue animals from the pound & foster them out until they find homes for them. Great Great people. Most places would have let Gary die because of his eye, but these people cleaned him up & removed the punctured eye & now he is a big happy one eyed kitty. He also loves his mommy. I know because he likes to nurse in my armpit when he goes to sleep. He is a terror sometimes, though, but I love him anyways.... So I emailed the RAIN people & they said they could take Papi. I take him over to the lady's house & she takes a look at him & says "I can't take him". She wishes she could, but it looks like he has ringworm.... GREAT. "But", she says, "It looks like it is pretty healed up". She house full of fostering cats, so she can't take the little guy & risk the others. So I still have Papi. He is in isolation in the kitchen. Gary & Papi are going crazy because they want to play with each other so bad. The RAIN lady told me that I can give Papi baths every night with Head & Shoulders shampoo & that should take care of it. So last night I gave the poor little guy another bath. He looked like a little baby rat. Then I cleaned his ears. He actually liked that a lot. Tonight I must give him another bath & then try to tackle his little tiny dagger nails. I am so scratched up from bathing him. Now I am worried that I'll get ringworm. Oh well. He is soo cute that I'll go to the doctors if that happens. I gotta bleach, spray & vacuum the hell out of my apartment tonight, though. So I am going to get him fixed & get all his shots & hopefully find the little guy a good home. Until then, I will love him, cuddle him, hold him & call him Papi Pequeno.

Papi Pequeno & Baby Dook

I am still exhausted from this weekend. All day Saturday I had Beast-tos. He is all about crawling everywhere & climbing what ever he can. While I had the little beast, I found a kitten on the stairs of my apartment. He has to be maybe a month old. He was dirty, scared & hungry. I took him in. He is a little orange bundle of purr. His name while I have him is "Papi Pequeno". I am trying to find him a home. I really can't have another cat, but I can't take him to the pound. So if anyone out there wants a cute little kitty, PLEASE let me know. So I had a little kitten running around & a baby. Man, I am tired still. I also was checking Beast-tos's diaper & ended up sticking my finger in his poo. Something came out with it that wasn't fully digested. I was gagging & then the little guy doesn't like to get his diaper changed so he escaped & ended up straddling my leg leaving a skid mark on my leg. Good times....

QOTSA, menstruation & the "Whoo" Guy...

The Queens of the Stone Age show was rocking! They rocked so hard, the next morning I started my period a couple of days early. I am not sure if it was the rocking music or the fact that Josh Homme is so hot that I started menstruating early. Even Kiki thought he was hot & he's not her type. He just looks like the kind of guy who would pull my finger if asked, laugh about it, then fuck my brains out after. Ahh... The show was packed. We had to line up around the block to get in. While in line we saw a person we went to high school with, his name rhymes with "Fag". Everytime I see "Fag", I fall into uncontrollable fits of laughter because of his hair. He has the worst "hip/rock & roll" hair I've ever seen. Plus knowing what a butt rocker in highschool this guy was makes it even funnier. My brother ended up talking to him at the show & unfortunately made me come over & talk with him too. I could barely contain myself. The music was so dope that there was a guy who I will describe as the "Whoo!" guy. He was air guitaring & drumming along with the music. He would headbang at the same time & lift his arms into the air to flash the universal sign of rock & yell "Whoo!!!!". This guy didn't give a fuck. He was rocking. I wish I was jacked up enough to do the same. I would have loved to jump around, air guitar & drum, & dance like I do when I listen to the music & not give a fuck about who see's me. That guy ruled! I saw a couple of guys air drumming a couple of times when they thought no one was looking. The show was that good! I can't wait to see them again. They did play my favorite songs, well all their songs are my favorites, but my favorite favorites were played. Plus did I mention how fucking hot Josh Homme is?

Scrot-Meg

If you know me, then you know that I often come up with things in my head that make me laugh. Sometimes it'll last a day, week, month in some cases years... Well I was having coffee with the other Gynas on Monday & got a iced coffee & while I was equalizing it I saw a shaker that said "Nutmeg". I started giggling to myself because my brain automatically changed the simple "Nutmeg" shaker sign to "Scrot-meg" in my head. Tee hee hee. Now if you don't know already, "Scrot" is one of my favorite words ever. I think it is just hilarious. So I am laughing to myself when I arrive back at our Gyna table. The other Gynas inquire about my giggling & I tell them what popped into my head. They didn't find it as funny as I did. I think they were just laughing at me because I thought it was so hilarious. All that day & the next & next I couldn't stop thinking about how funny "Scrot-meg" is. I finally was able to share my idea with Kiki who thought it was funny, not as funny as I thought it was, but funny none the less. That was until we started singing songs about "Scrot". We were waiting at my Bro's house before the QOTSA show & he was listening to "The Bends" by Radiohead. I think we changed the lyrics to "Scrotys got the bends". Kiki & I have a gift for changing song lyrics into stupid things. We've sung songs about "Smegma" & all songs "Cootie". We even have people singing Cootie songs who've never met the cat. This made us laugh even harder then we came up with "Scrot-me Scrot-me...SCROT....SCROT...." to Billy Squires "Stroke me". This was the cherry on the Scrot cake.

Real Email to Drummer Girl

Here is a real email I sent yesterday to Drummer Girl about fart guys.... No one is safe....

I am all about dook, not fart, baby... Farts are funny, but they are a PG version of Dook. Dook is like XXX. Farts are Bill Cosby & Dook is Richard Pryor... Man, I don't think anyone in the whole universe has ever likened the comedy of Bill Cosby & Richard Pryor to the differences between Dook & Farts... Monumental time here. I am glad I was able to share it with you....

Get A Leg Up...

At the end of our lunch today, Miss Panda & I were sitting at our bench smoking a cigarette before we went back to work when 2 men came walking out of our building. They looked like blue collar workers & the one in question was probably close to 300 lbs. Well "nasty ass" as Panda called him was walking about 20 ft away from us when he lifted his leg in mid stride & cut a fart. The movement was so fluid that I was taken aback. All I could say was "did you hear that"? Panda said that she heard something but didn't know what it was. I told her that it was "nasty ass" & that he lifted a leg & farted. We start laughing & then the two guys look back & see us & start laughing also. I don't think they noticed us before he lifted the leg. Good Times....

Eww...Look!

Since I'm going to be working my butt off for the next year saving up as much money as possible, I am going to be having boring ass days, so I thought why not go back in time & remember some funny stories from my past. One I was just reminded of yesterday. It concerns a pal named Johnboy, a breakfast burrito from Del Toxic & a tissue.... When I worked at Tower on Florin road many years ago, my co-worker & cohort in crime was Johnboy. He was always making me laugh. One day while I was eating a breakfast burrito from Del Toxic (which was in the same complex as our store where on a weekly basis was visited by cops because it was a favorite place to shoot up by the junkies after they visited the methedone clinic, also in the complex, & they would OD). I started to choke real bad. I regained my composure & a few hours later I was having problems with my sinuses & blew my nose repeatedly until the object came shooting out of my nose with a "Thunk" into my tissue. It was a huge piece of scrambled egg. I ran over to JB & told him "Eww...Look!" he looked & almost vomited. Very cool....

Don't read until you've seen the new Star Wars

Because I will ruin certain parts of it for you.... I just saw it last night & I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. It actually made me cry a little at the end. We all know that he turns into Darth Vader, but it's still sad. Man the best part & probably the harshest part was when Obi fucked up Vader. Man he even took his good arm. Now I know why Darth Vader was so pissed at Obi. Okay, enough of that because I am starting to make myself upset....

When I grow up I wanna be a fairy princess astronaut

I've been in a fog these past 12 years. I think now I've finally woken up from it. I think I need to get away from this town in order to finally live. So far my plan is to save up 20 grand, go to Europe, travel, poop & write a book. I don't have a career, no kids, no mortgage to pay & no relationship here. The only ties I have are my family & friends. I do love my home, but I need to embark on the world. After I get back from Europe, I am going to take my book & move to New York. Then I am going to live until I have to return home with my tail between my legs. I thought to myself, "I love music & making people laugh". I have no other career choice. I think I can write a silly little book about all the weird crap that happens to me. Who else can say that they almost got shot & died when their upstairs neighbor thought using a gun during sex was a good idea & who else can say they found a roasted squirrel in their car engine? I am thinking not very many people. I think odd stuff happens to people everyday, but most don't see it as a blessing, just a nuisance. I love telling people my stories of oddness. That is what I want to do. Who knows what can happen? Maybe I can get on writing for a comedy or something. I'll never know until I try. I hope Billie & Gary like big cities...

Riding a Whale Talking Like Yoda

Man, I had the weirdest dream last night. It started out that I was in this huge underground swanky mall. Everyone I practically know was there walking around. All of a sudden, everyone starts running towards the exits. I see my aunt & I am trying to get her out of there, but she is lagging. We are both pregnant. She is about 6 months along & I am about 3 months along. I final get her out & somewhere pretty safe, but there isn't any more room for me there, so I start running on the outside of the mall. Some parts look like New York, like Rockefeller center & it is getting blown up by aliens. All of a sudden I am riding a Orca whale around the blasts. Then I am back on the inside of the mall & people are running around trying to find somewhere safe. I keep on seeing men who look like PBD, but when I run up to them, they're not him. I get to a news station & I am talking like Yoda & no one can understand me. I am trying to tell them to broadcast that everyone needs to head to less populated areas, but they just end up locking me up in a room. I am trying to get out & finally do. I am running around trying to find a way to get out of the city because I know that the aliens are going to level it. I am also trying to find a cigarette. I am jonesing really bad for one & no one has one. I end up finding my uncle & aunt who have a vehicle. They tell me that they are going to San Francisco & I am trying furiously to tell them not to, but once again I am talking like Yoda. I end up telling them somehow to go up to their friends cabin deep in the woods, & they finally understand. I end up falling asleep in the car up to the cabin & while I'm asleep, I dream of BPD. He's getting into a plane to fly away with a whole bunch of rich people. He's even wearing an ascot. I am standing in front of him, but I know that I am just an apparition. He tells me in his mind that "I'm still leaving". I tell him "Just know that I still love you, but you don't have much time". Then he sighs & says "I still love you too", & then he jumps off the plane. Then I wake up....

Warriors, Come Out & Play....

One last thing, we also rode the same subway line as the Warriors. Yes, Kiki & I were quoting the above often & giggling like little girls the whole time....

FUCK TEXAS & THE END OF OUR ADVENTURE

Kiki & I stayed up all night before we had to catch our flight. We went to The Knitting Factory with the Vatos to see a show. Kiki was a bit tipsy, but I was alright. We took a cab to JFK, which was scary. Our flight was late taking off so when we finally ended up in Atlanta, we missed our connecting flight to Sac. We had to take a flight to Dallas and then to Sac. 4 States in one day sucks. When we get to Dallas, we have to go all over the airport because we are switching from Delta to American. We are tired, hungry & pissed by that time. We go through security to get to our gate when we are randomly chosen to get the full search done. I am about to cry, but the girl was really nice as she was feeling up my boobs & crotch area. "I'm not even supposed to be in Texas" is all I can say. Then my bags get searched by some good ole' boy. He pulls out my steal of the century & says "BINGO... Well Well Well, what do we have here?" By that time, I am not afraid or nervous or anything. I just look at him & say "What? I collect strange things from all the places I visit". Then he says smugly that he has to call the cops. The cops come & check it out & explain to me that it is routine because it is paraphanelia. I told them that I was sorry but I didn't think it was a big deal. I told him that they were more than welcome to test it if they wanted to. He looked at me & took me aside & told me "Next time just package it up real good & mail it home to yourself". Then he packages it back up & gives it to me to get on my way. You should have seen the look on Billy Bob Fuckton's face. Classic. I am NEVER going back to that fucked up state. Assholes.... Oh, Kiki & I were able to have Whitecastle burgers, but from "Krystals" which I guess is the same chain but in the south. Horrible stuff. Tastes just like cafeteria food. Oh, back in New York, I wanted to talk with a cute cop, so I found my chance to ask one where the subway was. Man o Man, this cop was the hottest. He looked like Ad-Rock. He also had a New York accent. Good Times!!!

Peace out from Dook York!!!

Well, these last couple of days have been fun filled & amazing. Kiki & I finished up our Museum tours & hooked up with a friend of my uncles. We met them outside of a music studio in Times Square. They are west side boyz so they hooked us up with some smoke which was soooo nice. We ended up smoking in the studio where Coldplay recorded "parachutes". It was amazing. It was the same studio that Michael Jackson recorded "Thriller". Amazing shit, man. We then went to the MOMA & then out for dinner & drinks. These guys were so sweet & we all had so much in common we ended up going back to their place in Brooklyn & staying up until the wee hours of the morning talking, smoking, listening to music & talking. The Brooklyn neighborhood they live in is mainly Jewish so Saturday we get up at noon & go out for some coffee & I swear it was like being in another time. All these Jewish families were walking around dressed like they probably have for the last 75 years. We felt like they were telling their girls to not grow up to be the hussies we are.... We crashed & met up with the Vatos later for a show. That was cool. Now we are wasting time before we have to get to the airport. Let's see if I've forgotten anything... We went to the sex museum. That was fun. Did you know that Marilyn Chambers was the face of Ivory Snow because of her wholesome look? Our crazy Hostel mate has the disorder where she pulls out all her eyelashes & eyebrows. She also has had a boob job. We saw an aftermath of some guy getting hit by a car. A car wreak & a couple of subway rats. I tried to take some pictures, but they were too quick. All in all a great time. No hookers, though. Peace out & can't wait to get to the West side.... Oh, we ended up not hooking up with the homeland security guys because the new guys we met were cooler. It ended up working out, though because they had to work late tonight anyways......

Crazy ass beyatch

There is a crazy bitch in our room. She came from Raleigh to get a nose job from some guy that was on Oprah. She had surgery & is recuperating in a hostel bedroom. Last night before her surgery, she was up & walking in circles moaning & making squeaking noises. Then she would go out into the hallway & come right back in slamming the door. Then she was making kitty muffins on the bedding. Bitch is crazy. On another note, I think I should move to New York. I got game here. I've talked to so many guys here. They come right up & start talking to me. It has been doing wonders for my ego. We went to Brooklyn yesterday & had a nice Sapranos style dinner at some place called Vinnies II in Bensenhurst. Very good, real Italian meal. We went to some more Museums. I did my own big bang at the museum of Natural History. We also went to the Jewish Museum & I did cry at one of the exhibits about the Holocaust. Other than that, it was a great museum & would recommend it for anyone who comes out here. We walked around a bunch. Tomorrow we are going to more museums & then getting gussied up to go out with my uncle. Saturday we are going to Battery park to meet the Homeland security guy. I talked with him on the phone the past couple of days & the guy keeps telling me how hot I am & how sexy I am. Usually I think I would be turned off by it, but he seems really sincere about it. Oh well, we'll see what happens on Saturday. I bought a cute short skirt just for the occasion. Peace out!

Oh the Places You'll Poop

Let's see, I've blessed Barneys, Bloomingdales, Elis Island, The Met, Toys R Us in Times Square, & a few other places that I can't remember right now because it is like 6 am here (3 am our time). Yesterday started out lovely. The weather was gorgeous & warm. Kiki & I decided to go to The Statue Of Liberty & Elis Island. When we got to Battery Park to catch a ferry, suprisingly enough the wait wasn't too long. There were tons of people dressed up like Lady Liberty who were, I guess Mimes (?), who looked like the statue & had hats out for money. Kiki & I both agreed it was scary. We had to go through a screening very much alike the check in point in an airport where you have to take off all your jewelry & shoes n stuff. While in line the rather cute homeland security guy started to ask me questions like where I'm from, my name, if I had a husband or boyfriend, how long I'm in town for; I guess the norm for homeland security. Then he said "I think you are soo cute & sexy, can I take you out sometime before you leave?", He really thought my tattoos were hot. So I said sure & I slyly gave him my cell number on some government letterhead... Score one for Gyna Girl! I've been feeling rather butch from all my tattoos because no one here has any. A few guys & I've seen 2 girls here with little tiny ones. I guess instead of being butch, I'm exotic... Well that boosted my self esteem to a 10 that day. When I checked my messages later that day, he had called already. I am playing coy so I am waiting until today to call him back. Maybe I can get my $10 I paid to get to Lady Liberty back in most fun ways at a later date ;) Liberty was neat & Elis Island also proved to be neat. I saw my great grandfathers name on the wall they have there. Kiki wanted to hit some thrift shops so we were off to the east side to check them out. They proved to be disappointing to Kiki. We decided to walk 40 blocks to Bloomingdales & check that out. I had a round in the chamber & was waiting for the right place to drop it, so off we went. Let me first say that Pigeons love to head dive Kiki. Many a time a pigeon will take off & almost attack her head. I told her that I would help her after I had taken a picture & stopped laughing at her if it did ever happen. I was about to get a taste of my own medicine. At some park I saw a squirrel. I squealed & ran over to it to try to take a picture. I did a squeaky noise to get his attention & I guess over hear that means "Hey squirrel, run straight for me at an alarming speed & jump on me & attack me", because that is what he did. I screamed & fumbled for my bag and ran like a mutha fucka. I didn't even look back. Kiki laughed & promised to help me, but only after she had taken a picture of it attacking my head & she stopped laughing... We got to bloomingdales & I blessed it, then we left. We decided to hit a bar & found one right around the corner of the Hostel. We ended up meeting a great couple from Manchester. Spencer & Tim were sooo much fun. We drank with them until poor Spence started to pass out at the bar. Tim & Kiki were talking for days about some wanky brit bands & Spence and I talked about our mutual love for Justin Timberlake. We are going to meet up with the boys in Coney Island today for more hijinks. Kiki & I decided to get something to eat before heading back to the Hostel & had our first taste of New York Pizza. $2 a slice at 1 am rules! Then we headed back & passed out. No vomiting.... Well our adventure will continue today, so I am off to get some rest before heading back out there & representin' the West side, beyatch!

Steal of the Century

Today we walked about 80+ blocks.... New York blocks... Kiki & I had drinks at CBGB's (I was disappointed because the beer was very flat & expensive, but what the hell) & I tagged the outside with a Gyna sticker.... We walked throughout Soho, Greenwich Village & lots of other places. While in Soho on the outer parts of it which I think was the outskirts of China town, there were tons of street vendors. One had a bunch of pipes. There was one rather large good looking water pipe. The vendor wanted $25 bucks for it. I talked him down to $15. This pipe would cost me over $60 easily at home. I haggled & got something cool in return. I feel proud! I also got a cool pair of sunglasses from another vendor for $3. We walked & walked & walked & Kiki did a bunch of shopping. We were a couple of blocks away from the empire state building. We will visit that tomorrow. We had a DELICIOUS dinner with my uncle at a Brazilian restaurant. It was very swanky, but meat central. These guys walked around with HUGE skewers of all kinds of meat & sliced it off in front of you & served you right there. Man was it good. No drinking for Kiki & I until the weekend. We are just exhausted from walking so much. Better so, the bars will be safe until Friday. Tomorrow we will be hitting Elis Island & the Statue of Liberty. We probably will be seeing the Empire State Building in the evening. Peace out to you West Side Beyatches!!!!!

Representing the West Side....

Mistress Kiki & I started our adventure as soon as we got on the plane in Sac town. Kiki had the lovely pleasure of sitting next to an elderly gentleman with a voice box. She did quite well when he talked with her. I wouldn't look at him because I would have asked him to say "Bididi" like Twiggy from Buck Rodgers (It may have been battle star galactica, I don't remember). So for the rest of the trip to Atlanta I couldn't get "Origato Mr. Roboto" out of my head. We we finally arrived in the big apple, my uncle was there to meet us. We followed him at high speeds through the subway where Kiki sat in something we will hope was water. We had a nice dinner & got to see Times Square (which reminded me of Vegas). We got a little tipsy because my Uncle busted out the Dom Perignon. We ended up back at the hostel & rested up for our next day. Saturday we walked through central park & saw wonderful stuff there & then we walked down Park avenue & Madison avenue to see the shops & get to Barneys. Kiki purchased some Japanese face cream. We went into a few stores & had the best mocha in the whole fucking world. Seriously I would marry this mocha if it had a dick. Kiki agrees. We went into this one kids store where you had to be buzzed in & non of the clothes had price tags. We then met my uncle at the Met & walked around & saw art n stuff. After a few hours of seeing Jesus as baby Jesus & dead Jesus, I was a bit bored with it. Also my feet had started hurting because we walked probably close to 150 blocks. We are going back to the met because we still didn't see everything. Our evening then started to take shape. We had a lovely dinner with sangria at a nice little Cuban resturant then proceeded to any bar we could find. We started out at the dead Poet & had a couple there. We then walked many blocks trying to find another bar & couldn't, so we asked a guy on the street who had an English accent & told us to follow him to a nice place a couple of blocks away. He then proceeded to tell us about how his girlfriend is knocked up & he's not ready for a baby & he wants her to get an abortion. Great conversation. We got to the place & got seated at the bar & then the evening gets a little blurry from there. There was a horrible cover band playing decent songs mixed with really horrible 80's pop, like Mike & the Mechanics & Phil Collins. When they played Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" things got odd. The whole bar started to sing along like it was their national anthem. Kiki showed her love by yelling out "Jersey Rules!" several times. She also tried to help them out by recommending "Free Bird" to no avail. I lost a cute guy at the bathroom because, I'm sorry, but I really needed to pee. Then we went to the otherside of the bar where we consumed more & more alcohol & before you knew it, we were singing along at the top of our lungs to "I Will Survive". Kiki made a great effort in trying to find us some weed, but the only guy who might have had it, wanted ass for grass & we wouldn't party like that. Maybe if it would've been some humbolt shit, but I am sure East coast grass isn't as good as home grown cali shit. We then started to tell everyone who would listen that we were representin' "West Side", beyaches. Kiki even helped me out with the hand thing for it. We meet some nice guys from Sweeden or something who were also looking for weed with no luck. Then I went outside for a smoke & almost couldn't get back in until nice gentlemen helped me up the stairs because for some reason my equilibrium was off. Maybe the plane or the time change it couldn't have been from the god knows how many beers I had consumed. Then I think I got food poisoning from the Cuban place because I exploded in the hall way of the Bon Jovi place. Good Times... Kiki did a wonderful job of getting us a cab & getting us back to the hostel. All I know is that when I woke up, I had all my clothes on with everything still in my pockets still drunk off my ass & my shoes were soiled. I am still drunk now. Good Times. Still representing the west side beyatches!!! Stay tuned for another installment tomorrow or something.....