I'm outta here!

Moving sucks.  I am posting for the last time at my old house.  Many memories.  More bad than good.  Learned a lot though.  Leaving, I have one less aunt, boyfriend, cat, & dog.  Phew.  Tough past couple of years.  On the other hand, I have only one more semester left at school before I can apply for the Nursing program.  Oh, I got a B this semester for my first A&P class.  Considering how much stuff has happened this semester, I am very relieved to get a B.  I know that I am on my way to being less stressed and actually happy with my home.  No more being a den mother to 3 & 1/2 boys.  I will miss them, though.  Oh!  Today a squirrel pooped on Drummergirl at our new place.  I had never seen squirrel poop before.  Drummergirl was blessed by squirrel poop.  Oh, squirrel poop looks like a larger rat turd.  Okay, I need to finish packing my bedroom....

Light at the end of the tunnel...

In two weeks I will be out of school for the summer & living in my new place. I don't know how I will cope without the stress I live with daily. It will be strange. So many people came out & helped drummergirl & I paint our new place. We don't know how to thank everyone enough. I have a pretty pink room now. I know I'm a 33 year old woman, but who cares, I like it!

I bought some cigarettes yesterday & I was carded & got the whole "You don't look that old" backhanded compliment. I still don't know how to take it. I guess I'm happy I don't look old, but I really don't think 33 is old & it's always older people (like in their 40s & 50s) telling me this. I saw a midget in a suit this week. That's the extent of my humor I have left right now because I am so exhausted. I'll be better in a month.

Oh yes, there will be bacon...

I had an awesome weekend.  After such an absolutely shitty Thursday, it was a much needed break from all that is shit.  Leify greens blessed us with his presence.  It was great seeing him.  Monkey girl threw an awesome BBQ.  Mr. & Mrs. Mockula were there with baby Mockula who is so fricken cute & smart.  We finally got to meet Monkey girls boyfriend who is very cool.  I miss them all.  I am hoping that we can all hang out more now.  That was awesome sitting back & discovering what a "Danny Glover" is & also what a "Tony Danza" is.  I won't go into detail because what you know what they are, you can never unknow them.  Fantastic news is that Drummergirl & I got the apartment!  We sign the lease tomorrow & have the whole month to move in.  I think I have decided to paint my new bedroom pink.  After living with so many boys, it will be nice to be girly again.  Oh happy times!  

Funny, I don't remember eating any corn...

I have no tales about corn in my poo, nor do I know who this guy is.  Both are just funny to me right now.  Sorry for the long delay in posting, but it has been a madhouse in GynaGirl town.  Really busy with school & helping out Drummergirl with her split from Mr. Douche.  Good news is that we've found a place that we both like a lot.  It's not a 100% but it's probably a done deal.  It will be nice to live with a girl & not boys.  I can't wait.  I am planning on taking the summer off of school because I need a big ole break.  There is also a slight possibility that I may be heading to New York City in June for a much needed mini vacation.  School is out in a month so there should be more posting coming.  Speaking of school, I totally wussed out on dissecting a sheep's brain.  I don't like brains to begin with.  They are wrinkly & squishy & grey.  The day of the dissection I had ate at 11am and nothing else & by the time the dissection occurred it was 9:30 pm and I was feeling queasy from not eating anything in a long time.  That just added to the gag factor making slicing into lambkins brain not doable.  I now know that I can't deal with vomit or brains...  I could never be a bulimic zombie...  

It's big, it's heavy....

Since last Wednesday, I've had the stomach flu.  I puked only on one day, but for the rest I've been pissing out of my ass.  I've been afraid to stand up because I thought that I would literally shit my pants.  Fun times.  Tonight was the first solid dookie that I have taken & I am ecstatic!  Hurray for poop!  

With the good, there must be bad.  I was checking my bank account online because I am a nerd like that & saw that there was a withdrawal from my nearby bank ATM today.  Funny, I hadn't gone to the ATM today.  I freak & call the bank.  They said probably my card was "compromised", so I had to cancel the one I have & now I have to wait 5-7 days for a new one to come in.  I hate going into the bank to get money so I am hoping I can hold out with the $10 to my name until the card gets here.  Even when it gets here, I have to go in to pick a pin number.  I also have to remember to change all my online bill paying stuff. Thieves suck.  I shall put "Ta Matea"  (Greek evil eye curse) on them...  

Crisis control & gag reflex

The past few weeks have been absolutely hectic.  I've been involved in some major health concerns with various family & friends.  My godmother has been in the hospital for over 2 weeks with a deadly strain of pneumonia.  She is in ICU hooked to a respirator and we are all hopeful she will be able to beat it.  Drummergirl has been fighting some of her own demons and is finally on the road of recovery (it has nothing to do with substance abuse) and is doing an excellent job with it.  This brings me to this morning;  I got a call early this morning from Mistress Kiki telling me that she is in the hospital because she was in an accident this morning.  Thankfully she is bruised up but fine.  Because of the rain she had hit a slick patch on a freeway onramp and spun out of control and crashed her car.  No other cars were involved.  After getting the message, I find out where she is and run to the bathroom to wash my face, brush my teeth so I can get to the hospital when I get to the bathroom, my roommate is already in the shower getting ready for work.  I knock on the door & ask him if I can come in to quickly wash up so I can jet.  He tells me no problem.  I apologize for intruding on his shower but I tell him it was necessary because my friend is in the hospital from being in a car accident.  He says "Oh, that sucks.  If it makes you feel any better, I am washing my butt hole right now."  Yes, T-Pain, it does make me feel better, strangely enough.  

Which kinda brings me to another problem I've been having lately.  My gag reflex in the morning is outta control.  I am unable to brush my tongue, the back of my teeth, and cheeks without gagging.  Then I also irrigate my sinuses which, strangely enough, also makes me gag uncontrollably.  So far I haven't vomited because I know to take my time with my teeth & my nose, but geez it is really getting old.  

Anthropomorphic Smokey the Bear gone wrong & other randomness

Last week I received our business news letter & I usually don't read it but this time I saw something that caught my eye. There was a picture of a woman standing with this statue of Smokey the Bear. What made me at first do a double take was the HUGE bulge in Smokey's pants. Then I noticed that Smokey somewhat ripped. This is not the Smokey of my youth. I researched the statue discovered that it is a fairly new revamped Smokey. I just want to say that the new Smokey statue is just wrong. In fact it is b-dong. I had to share the pic with Drummergirl, since she is usually the first (and sometimes only) person to be visually punished on a daily basis by me depending on how bored or busy I am at work. She requested that I post it here to share with the world.

Other randomness is that I have my first A&P exam on Thursday, which I am nervous about. The first exams are always scary. I am extra lucky because we also have our first lab practicals on the same day. Scary stuff that I feel I am too old to deal with, but will.

I found out that my uncle had a date this weekend. This is my widowed uncle who is like a father to me. My mom said he had a great time & the lady was nice. I am happy for him but deep down inside, or rather more at the surface, I feel weird about it. I feel like I'm 10 years old. I know this is good for him, it has been a year & a half since my aunt died, he's still young, & I want him to be happy (and so did my aunt), but I still feel like a child about the whole situation. The logical side of me is really happy for him, but the illogical side of me is pouting and throwing a tantrum.

Lastly, I've been obsessed with a couple of bands lately. The first is "Of Montreal". I know that these guys have been around for a while, but I am really loving their album "Skeletal Lamping". It's like really weird & happy muppet music on LSD. They are just fun to listen to. The second band is "The Twilight Sad" which totally sounds like some emo band, but they aren't. The only way I can describe them is that they sound like a Scottish Interpol. I personally adore them right now. Now the singer has a really thick Scottish brogue so it is hard to understand him sometimes, but I find that totally hot. I really think they are talented, but I also know that I am an American woman, so my judgement may be biased because the singer has a thick accent & sounds hot. I am doing a little experiment to find out which it is. I burned a copy for my brother & my cousin (both men) and so far my brother said he likes the music but the singer annoys him because his accent is too thick. I am waiting to hear back from my cousin on what he thinks about them.

Thank You!

I received notification that I had won a blogger award from another silly person who loves poop stories as much as I do! I am very thankful that I am able to share my warped sense of humor with another. He is witty and humorous as well... Check him out if you like.. http://umbrella24.blogspot.com/ I feel compelled to post my acceptance speech since I don't give very many & it insinuates that I eat babies & toddlers!

Now I know why there was a reason I was stretching my vagina to uncomfortable proportions. The universe works in mysterious ways. This is my lame attempt for an acceptance speech.

While baby meat is tender, babies are mostly made of water and make a good roast, but really, who has the time to make a roast these days? I changed my profession to help the world and to make a difference. I hope to visit 3rd world countries and help out the less fortunate as long as they keep their face flies away from me & don’t touch me with their diseased and germy poor hands. Seriously, I kid, I only use toddler meat for my carnitas and poor people are either going to die or reproduce more poor people so, why bother?

I am humbled and grateful for this award. I am also glad to find an other soul who isn’t easily offended, who appreciates a good old fashion dookie anecdote, Eazy-E references, and a hot pic of Alex Lifeson’s camel toe as much as I do. Thanks for the award! -Gynagirl

Vaginal Humiliation & a New Semester Begins

I started my spring semester last week.  I go two days a week from 5:30 to 10:30 pm.  Needless to say I am still getting used to working all day & then going to school all night.  This semester I am taking Anatomy & Physiology I.  So far so good.  I took my first quiz tonight & I aced it.  It will be a hard semester, but I figured as much so I am not taking any other classes.  We had to dissect a rat on Tuesday.  No one in my group wanted to do the surgery so I did it.  I don't really have a problem with it other than I felt bad for the poor little rat.  I made a death shroud for his head so I didn't have to see his little buck teeth while I disemboweled him.  I did a really good job with the dissection.  I won't go into details because some people might find it a bit icky. I did cringe a couple of times, like when I had to break his little ribs to get into the thoracic cavity.  Well any class where you hear "feel the parietal peritoneum and how slick it is" and you automatically do it, is my cup of tea.  

On to the vaginal humiliation...  When I went to target to stock up on "lady stuff", I saw that Always had new pads.  They were new overnight pads in a purple package.  I also saw that OB has a new "Code Purple" tampon which is its "Most absorbent, ever!".  I purchased both.  I usually have menorrhagia the first couple of days of my menses, so I thought "what the heck"...  Well the captain came into town today so I broke out both code purples.....  First, the new OBs have about the circumference of a roll of quarters.  Then tonight I busted out the new pad & I kid you not, the thing is the length of my arm...  Not my forearm (ante-brachial) but the whole arm.  It has a HUGE mound in the center like there is a druid king buried in there.  I totally feel like my vagina is wearing a muumuu.  I can feel the pad tickling the back of my neck.  The tampon totally reminds me of the "Like a virgin" scene in "Reservoir Dogs"...  Instead of "Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick", it's "'pon, 'pon, 'pon, 'pon, pon".  Until I can get to the store tomorrow, I am making a formal public apology to my vagina for dressing it figuratively in a muumuu (pad) & making it wear a back brace with headgear (the tampon)...  Not even this lovely picture of David Hasselhoff naked with puppies is making me feel better...  Well maybe a little.  

Merry New Jesus!

I hope everyone had an awesome Jesus-mas & New Years.  X-mas was busy and New Years was low key.  I received my grades for fall semester & I got an "A" in Bio 100 & I got a "B" in Micro.  That really makes me happy because I could've sworn that I was getting a "C".  This relieves some pressure off of me for my next couple of semesters. I am feeling pretty optimistic for 2009.  9 is my lucky number & my b-day is 9-29, so I am thinking this year will be better than the past couple of years which have pretty much sucked overall.  No real significance to the squirrel pic, just that it is funny & my theme music for 2009 is "Little Acorns".  One nut at a time... (I don't mean that in a Eddie Haskell kind of way either). 

Rectal Holocaust

 I am finally done with this semester from hell!  I took my last final yesterday & I am stoked to finally be done with horrendous Microbiology.  I actually was able to pick up a book that didn't have to deal with anatomy or fecal oral diseases & bacteria.  Don't get me wrong, I love that stuff, but now I will be able to enjoy other stuff for about a month. I still had some lingering guilt that I wasn't studying while I was reading my book.  That will soon pass.

At work today my boss & I went to 7-11 on Watt avenue & saw something so sad.  They were tearing down The Regency Theater.  It was a porno theater.  Inca & I went there with two of our guy friends Christmas of 1993 when we turned 18. We saw "Lethal Lolita".  There was a guy who brought in a hooker who was blowing him right in the theater.  Good times....

Today I was emailing Drummergirl about how I was going to learn how to make Tamales this weekend with my aunt.  She was thinking how she would be able to make vegetarian ones for Mr. Drummergirl.  She said that she would probably use tofu crumbles instead of meat.  I had a flash back of when I used those crumbles to make vegetarian chili and it gave me HORRIBLE gas & poops.  I was describing to her the horridness and came up with a few colorful phrases that I need to jot down now before I forget them...

"Giving birth to Satan from my large intestine"

"Rectal Holocaust"

"Fecal atrocity" 

Some of my favorites...

Drummergirl wanted me to post my list of my favorite albums (so far) because my cousin & I were emailing about it today.  This list is far from complete as I was only able to scroll through my Ipod and pick and choose and I didn't include any classics, like Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Cat Stevens, Prince and many others because how can you choose just one of their albums? Especially RUSH!  So my list is basically contemporary artists with a few exceptions.  I know that I am missing a bunch of stuff...  I will commit myself to naming my all time favorite, Jeff Buckley's "Grace".  The greatest album EVER!!!! 

PS.  Don't you just love Alex Lifeson's moose knuckle!!!  Made you look!  Remind me to reminisce about the time we went to see RUSH... Hilarious! 

Badmotorfinger- Soundgarden

Boys for Pele- Tori Amos

Breath from Another- Esthero

Comfort Woman-Me’Shell

Album of the Year- Faith no More

Disintegration- Cure

Doggystyle- Snoop

Elephant- The White Stripes

The Eraser- Thom Yorke

Extraordinary Machine- Fiona Apple

Forever Blue- Chris Isaak

The Fragile- NIN

Grace- Jeff Buckley

Here be Monsters- Ed Harcourt

All Radiohead ( I really can’t choose just one)

Mama’s Gun- Erykah Badu

Maxinquaye- Tricky

Mer De Noms- A perfect Circle

Mezzanine- Massive Attack

Midnight Marauders- A tribe called quest

Mr. Bungle- Mr. Bungle

Music to make love to your old lady by- lovage

Naked baby photos- ben folds five

The Night- Morphine

The Notorious KIM- Lil kim

Now- Maxwell

Oh, inverted world- the shins

Older- George Michael

On the Jungle floor- Van Hunt

Orange- Jon Spencer Blues Explosion

Parachutes- Coldplay

Paul’s Boutique- Beastie Boys

Post- Bjork

Poses- Rufus Wainwright

The Queen is Dead- The Smiths

Queen of the Meadow- Elysian Fields

Queens of the Stoneage- Queens of the Stoneage

Reachin’- Digable Planets

Reading, Writing, and arithmetic- The Sundays

Rid of Me- PJ Harvey

She Hangs Brightly- Mazzy Star

The Southern Harmony…-Black Crowes

The Trinity Sessions- Cowboy Junkies

The Teaches of Peaches- Peaches

Turn on the Bright lights-Interpol

Undertow- Tool

Violator- Depeche Mode

Violent Femmes- Violent Femmes

Voodoo- D’Angelo

Vulgar Display of Power- Pantera

Walking Wounded- Everything but the Girl

Way to Blue- Nick Drake

White Ladder- David Gray

Who is Jill Scott- Jill Scott

World Clique- Deee-lite

XO- Elliot Smith

3 years, 5 months… -Arrested Development

13 Songs- Fugazi

...  

Equality & Love for all

Tonight there was a rally at the State Capitol against the passing of Prop 8. I wanted to go so I went. No one was able to be my date so I said screw it & went by myself. I wanted to show my support for equality for all. Keep your eyes open for petitions to either get the decision overturned or to be put back on next year's ballot. I know very soon we will look back on this in disbelief that anything this discriminatory could've been passed.

All I can say is.....

Right on America!  I am finally proud to say I'm a fuckin' American!  I now have hope for our great country.  It's such a great feeling to finally have some hope for our futures...  sniff sniff...  YAY OBAMA!!! 

I'm Rick James, Bitch!

Just had to share my total Rick James/Easy E fro.  I am totally digging it.  Went to my brothers show tonight & had mad fun!  Haven't had a good time like that in a while.  I got to see a bunch of people I haven't seen in a while.  I have a few minutes before the after party takes place in the basement, so I thought I just had to share my bitchin' fro.  It is seriously much bigger than the picture gives justice.  I'm totally feeling it, though ;)  

Cute vs. Cute

I'm in a slight lull right now.  Caught up with homework, had an exam last night & a couple of weeks before another so I thought I would at least try to get something logged while I can.  I was watching "Planet Earth" on the Discovery channel this weekend & they showed some ducks being born somewhere, but then they showed a cute little fox kill some of the ducklings.  Then she brought it back to her baby kits so they could eat.  I was weirded out.  I am used to seeing ferocious animals kill & I accept it, but I am not used to seeing cute on cute murders.  It's just wrong.   I got a notification that I qualified to join the Honors Society for my school so that made me feel pretty good & that I am on the right track.  Microbiology is kicking my butt, but I have hope that I can pass it.  I got a C on my first lecture exam, but I was also really sick with the flu and had a temp of 102 & hadn't been able to study because I was so sick, so I am happy I passed the darn thing.  I got a C+ on my first lab practical, but I am stoked because I didn't understand how to do metrics conversions & serial dilutions & that is basically what I missed on the test, but I went to a workshop last weekend & now I totally get it so I think I will be able to get much better grades on the next exams.  In my Bio 100 class, on the first exam I got the highest grade in the class so I am pretty confident that I will do pretty well for the rest of the semester.  Last night was another exam & I knew more than I didn't know so I'm not sweating it.  Only 8 more weeks to go before I can read something that doesn't have to do with microbes that can make you sick, skeletons, muscles, diseases, metabolism, genetics, enterobacteriaceae,  blah blah blah...  

Happy Birthday to me!

Tomorrow is my 33rd birthday.  I'm totally not feeling it this year.  Probably because I was soooo sick this last week with the flu & I have school all day tomorrow including 2 quizzes.  Well tonight I had a nice sushi dinner with my mom, grandma, brother & his girlfriend, my nephew & my old friend, Deedra.  We had a great dinner at my favorite sushi place, Kamon.  This picture is of me & Deedra when we were probably about 5 years old.  I am toothless & ruthless!  Oh & drummergirl made me the most coolest pop up unicron birthday card EVER!

Evil Betty Rules!

Yesterday I was exhausted.  I went to school at 8am, after class got out at noon, I raced to work and worked until 5, raced home to eat something really quick before going back to school until 8:30.  The captain is in town with a vengeance & I was feeling like I was going to pass out from exhaustion.  I know I have to get used to my new schedule, but with losing about a pint of blood, thanks to mother nature, in 3 days, I was feeling less than stellar.  As soon as I got home after class, I started on my homework.  Around 10:30 I get a call...  Not many people call me that late & I didn't recognize the number so I answered it.  It was my old pal Evil Betty.  He was calling me drunk from Disneyland.  He was down there with his family on their yearly vacation & our old co-worker, Robalobadobadingdong went to meet him there.  They decided to call people they love & I was the first they called!  That made me feel great.  I had a dream about Evil Betty a few nights & was going to email him because I was thinking about him.  I email him occasionally about my bowel movements n such just because at my old job I would tell him stuff like that because he appreciated it.  I miss Evil Betty & if you are reading this, EB...  Give me a frickin' call so we can meet for drinks and to catch up.  I miss you & love you, you silly bastard!  

New 'puter, old friends & RIP.

Here I am typing from my new computer!  A macbook.  Drummergirl & Mr. Drummergirl helped me out in getting this little gem.  I totally love it!  It makes homework so much easier & better.  Thanks guys!  

I found my old best friend from when I was a little girl.  Deedra was my best friend & enemy at times from the age of 3 to about 9 when we moved from Vallejo back to Sacramento.  On a whim, I looked her up on Myspace & found her.  She now lives in Elk Grove with her family.  I emailed her & she emailed me right back.  She said she has been trying to get a hold of me for 3 years.  I went to her house today & we had a blast reminiscing and catching up.  While we were talking about when we were kids, she told her daughter "remember when we were talking about scars & mommy showed you this scar on her hand?  Well, this is the lady who gave it to me."  We used to physically fight like there was no tomorrow.  We'd always make up right after, though.   She is a stay at home mom with 3 little ones.  She looks & sounds the same.  I am so glad that we are and going to be in contact especially since she lives so close now.  

She told me that her mom died last year.  A month before my aunt died.  Beth was the sweetest woman.  She went through hell.  She had 6 bouts of cancer, two heart surgeries and finally she developed MS which finally took her life.  When Deedra told me on Friday that Beth had died, I cried for two days.  I told my mom & she's been crying too.  After my mom left us when I was 8 & my brother was 6, my dad worked the grave yard shift at the ship yard so he would drop us off at Beth's & she would feed us, take us to school & just be there for us.  She kept normalcy in our lives when our little worlds were being turned upside down.  I will never forget the kindness she showed my brother & I.  I am sorry I was never able to tell her how grateful I was for all she did for us, but at least I am able to tell Deedra how much she meant to us & how I will never forget her kindness....  

Ode to lactose intolerance Whitesnake style!

This morning I was craving chocolate milk like a mo-fo. Now, I despise milk. Even as a child, I hated it. Every once in a while I get a mad craving for it. So this morning I went & got a little bottle of it & drank it. Very Delicious, but I am paying for it now. I am totally lactose intolerant and now I am gassy & poopie. Earlier today I went outside & they are doing construction on the building behind us & the construction workers were BLASTING Whitesnake. Totally ruled! So as I am working I am changing the lyrics to "Here I go again" to suit my tummy woes.... Drummergirl was slightly mortified, but thought it was funny none the less, so I thought I'd share. Enjoy!

I dont know where Im pooping

But, I sure know where Ive pooped

Hanging on the dingle berries In the butts of yesterday

And Ive made up my mind,

I aint wasting no more time

But, here I go #2 again

Here I go #2 again

Tho I keep searching for a toilet,

I never seem to find the pot Im looking for

Oh lord, I pray You give me strength to hold it in,

cos I like to read In the lonely stall of dreams

And here I go again #2 on my own

Goin down to the only pot Ive ever known,

Like a hot chick I was born to dook alone

And Ive made up my mind

I aint wasting no more time

Im just another butt in need of rescue,

Waiting on releases sweet charity

And Im gonna hold it in

For the rest of my days,

cos I know what it means

To poop along the lonely bathroom of dreams

And here I go #2 again on my own

Goin down the only stall Ive ever known,

With a shy sphincter I was born to poop alone

And Ive made up my mind

I aint wasting no more time

But, here I go again #2,

Here I go again #2,

Here I go again #2,

Here I go...