These past couple of weeks have been hard. I had to drop my Microbiology class because the instructor was teaching the class at a level that was far more advanced that I was ready for. There is another instructor I will be taking who seems to teach the class a bit simpler. I am less stressed out now, but it irks me to spend that much money & waste a semester. Oh well, it's just that I am so close to entering the program. Blah. Valentines always sucks when you don't have anyone to share it with. Not that I am complaining. I am glad to be out of the relationship I was in, but it would be nice to have someone to spend time with. I also really miss living by myself. There is no way I could afford that now or even in the near future & that sucks. I have also been thinking of my aunt A BUNCH, especially these past couple of days. Yesterday I went to my grandma's house & we were looking through her photo albums & I saw my aunt & I just started to bawl. Even now, I am starting to tear up. I think because I put off mourning until after school was out & then I was mourning the horrible way she died, that now I am mourning her. I miss her so much. It seems weird that she isn't here. Because of our relationship, I lost a mother. She & my uncle helped raise my brother & I when we were young & my parents were acting like douche-bags. I also think that my "Death & Dying" class is affecting me more than I thought it would. This week we were learning about hospice care, plus I just finished Kubler-Ross's "On Death & Dying". I wish I would've read it before she passed so I could've been more help to her psychologically. It's a great class, but it does hit home a bit sometimes. Oh, well, I better quit writing because I am at work & I don't want to start bawling...
3 comments:
I'm sorry, Thea. Sounds like a rough time. I'm glad you dropped the class though, if it was causing you stress. You've been doing so well, and this is only a tiny setback. About your aunt -- you really SHOULD still be grieving. It's okay. You were close to her for a very long time. It's natural. I know that doesn't make it feel better, but it is normal.
Oh no! Um, you can grab a stethoscope and come listen to the goo in my chest if you want. It's nasty. Sorry to hear that you are so down...call me and I will cough for you. It's all I am good for at this point. I have never taken the Death & Dying class so I don't know what it's like, but I can imagine that things are a little close to home for you right now.
I can totally relate to the whole Valentines thing. I am glad to not be sucked into a terrible unhealthy relationship, but I can't help but wonder when it will be my turn.
As to your Aunt. I am so sorry, and I will tell ya when I took death and dying it stirred up all sorts of stuff, and I ended up crying a lot, but also working through a lot too. In the end I know you will feel better. But you are totally entitled to be upset as long as you want. We are all here for you.
And microbiology. That's for them smart science folk. But good to drop something you don't feel like you can handle, I dropped math three times before I ended up actually muddling through it! Love ya!
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