The Mutha Land Is Calling Me Home & Fruit Epifanys

My uncle was telling me that since both parents have Greek lineage, I can apply to the Greek consulate & get dual citizenship! That means I can get a European Passport & not have to get a work visa if I want to work over there during my big adventure! In any country!!!!

I saw on Friday a peach pit laying on the ground. I thought to myself "why don't I like to eat peaches"? well, first it feels like I am biting into flesh & second the pit looks like the underside of a scrot....

Honeydew tastes like muppets.... That is the only way I can explain it... Yes the little puppets. Not any specific muppets, just all the muppets.....

You want me to what?

I was just told by upper management that if I need to blow my nose, I either have to go to the restroom or to a vacant office as to not offend any customers.... Monkeygirl, is that legal?

Hot Vomit Pocket

Ok, I'm not gonna front. I like Hot Pockets. They are pretty tasty. They sure do hit the spot when you want a snack but not a meal. Due to the amount of fat & bad stuff, I haven't had one in years, so while I was at the store this weekend, I saw that they now have "Ultra Lean Hot Pockets". Boy o boy was I excited. They only had 3 kinds to choose from. Philly Cheese Steak... Don't think so... Ham & Cheese... Don't dig the swine & Combo Pizza. I bought the combo pizza. Well I had forgotten about it until last night. While I was fishing around in my freezer for ice, I stumbled upon the Combo Pizza Ultra Hot Pocket... Yippie! My first warning should have been the fact that these don't have the hot pocket sleeve. So I place the naked pocket on a paper towel & threw it in my microwave for 2 mins. I waited in anticipation... I heard the bing & waiting 2 mins for it to cool down... I felt like it was x-mas & I was 8 again & for sure was going to get the Barbie Condo with the elevator... I sat down on my couch & got comfy & turned up Judge Judy (I love her because she is such a bitch). I took a bit & a taste moved through my mouth... Cardboard? no.... Moldy towel... Closer... Particle board.... BINGO. I look & see the outside is some wheat concoction. It actually sucked all the moisture out of my mouth! NASTY. The inside was okay, but it was the pocket that taste like ass.... I should have known it was too good to be true....

Geddy Lee in Hot Pants...

Here's proof.... Thanks Monkeygirl for the heads up on the link...

http://www.trashfilmorgy.com/gallery/index.php?currDir=./2005/Show-4-Beyond-the-Valley-of-the-Dolls&pageType=image&image=DSCF0262.jpg

2112 IN HOT PANTS....

I went to the catfight Mod Vs Rocker party & meet up with Kiki, Mensa, Monkeygirl & Mockula. Kiki was suffering from a toothache that was prescribed the Peaches cure... Drink the pain away... Mockula was looking absolutely FABULOUS as a mod. Monkeygirl was a cutie as usual & have I ever mentioned that she has great boobies? Mensa was looking suave & deboner in his fancy suit. Saw some peeps I know including my brothers friends. Stayed there only a short while before Monkeygirl, Mockula & I left to go to the Trash Film Orgy. Beyond the Valley of the Dolls was playing. The greatest B film EVER. Flyer said that the doors open at 11 so we got there around 11:30 to check out the festivities & maybe get a drink. We get there & get our tickets & stand in line....For 45 mins... It's still 90 degrees & muggy. We start getting angry & cranky... Plus there are multiple freaks there. Usually I am all about individuality but that stopped when I saw Geddy Lee in hot pants... Long story short; they wouldn't let anyone in until 12:15 & by then it was too late because the movie wasn't going to start until 1 or so, so we got our money back & went home...

On My Way to Being a Crazy Cat Lady....

Ok... I can't give away Papi Pequeno now. He's my baby. He is now cuddling & purring on me. Plus He & Gary are brothers & best friends now. It would kill Gary if Papi went away. Plus Billie really isn't a cat per say. All she does is sleep & eat. She is more of a pretty black & white rug who poops....

It's a foreign Object in there!!!

My doc called with the results of my head x-ray & they can see a cyst or something in my left sinus! I am so relieved that there is something in there & that I'm not imagining it. I get refered to an ENT specialist this week! Hopefully I will be sniffle free from now on!!! I bet it's something I stuck up my nose as a child.... Okay, maybe as an adult too.... I am kinda afraid to see x-rays of my head. I don't like skulls. They freak me out & to see a picture of my own skull may really freak me out... ewww...

Dookie Story

It's been a while since I have talked about my poop & I have some time to burn before I can get off of work, so here is a nice little tale about my dook....

I was in Vegas on vacation with my friend, Hooserchino. We had drank all night & hit a cheap buffet downtown. A couple of hours later, I felt a rumble in my tummy, so I told Hooserchino to play some slots because I was going to be a while. I went into a casino bathroom & thank gawd, it was empty. I chose the stall that was furthest from the door. There had to be 20 stalls in the restroom. It was huge. I felt all the beer & buffet come out in a rush that wouldn't stop. It hurt so much it felt good. Well I heard the door open and a couple of elderly women come in. Of course one chooses the one right next to me out of the 20 that were empty. I even shuffled around so that they knew I was there. Well I hear her enter the stall, pull out a toilet seat cover & the I hear her sniff & gag repeatedly. Good times....

RIP COOTIE....1988(?)-JULY 06, 2005

Amazing Coodes
How sweet the cat
That slept the last 5 years.

He once was lost
And at the pound

Was old & now he's free....


We'll miss you Cootie....

The Cameo Conspiracy

I went downstairs to the little store located in my work building on my lunch to pick up a diet cherry Pepsi to quench my thirst on this hot summer day. Little did I know that I would come to realize & discover the biggest musical conspiracy of my lifetime....

THE CAMEO CONSPIRACY!!!!


Cameo's "Word Up" was playing on the radio & it was blasting. People were grooving to it. It was pretty packed in the store as it was lunch time. Young & old, everyone was grooving even if they didn't realize it. Then it hit me..... No one can dance to this song & look cool. It is impossible. Now I like "Word Up". I think it is a phenomenal song, but for some reason the grooving beat doesn't translate well into dancing. No one can dance to this song & not look like an idiot. No one. Cameo created this great, grooving & catchy song that has lasted close to 20 years as one of the best dance songs of all time that no one can dance to without looking like a complete dufus.. Brilliant!!!