I'm freakin' out, man...

I can't believe in less than 4 months I am going to be unemployed & thousands of miles away from my family & friends. I am seriously freaking out about not having a job. I’ve been employed since I was 16. Before that I had to work summers & babysat in the evenings. I’ve never not had a job. Freaking out man. I am sure I’ll be okay while I am lying on some Mediterranean beach somewhere drinking Restina & watching the world go by, but right now while I am trying to tie up loose ends, planning my trip & making sure all will be well at home while I am gone. Freakin’ out man….

Goodbye winter, hello stank man pits...

In the wintertime (not spring or fall because here in Sacramento we only have 2 seasons; winter & hot as hell), I am able to use girlie deodorant. It's fun to pick and choose from all the pretty scents & kinds. Sparkles or no sparkles, moisturizing or not, clear or solid, ect but when it starts heating up I must move on to man deodorant. See, I am of Greek & Mexican descent & my pits get funky in the heat. No matter what I do. The only thing that works is extra duty man stuff. Some people have told me to try the deodorant crystal & to that I must laugh. HA! A hippy crystal take on my pits?

"Mine tastes like a taco!!!!"

There are several commercials out there that either makes me want to vomit or have the “bad touch” feeling to them…

The first one for some kind of pizza rolls or something. There are boys having a sleepover & the sneak downstairs to make some pizza rolls. There are various flavors of pizza rolls so the prepubescent boys start yelling “Mine tastes like a cheeseburger!”, “Mine taste like a pizza!” and then my favorite “Mine tastes like a taco!!!” buy some plump boy. Yes son, I am sure yours tastes like a taco. For some reason this commercial gives me both “bad touch” feeling & makes me pee my pants laughing.

The second commercial that disturbs me opens with an older couple in their home about to walk upstairs with each other when the doorbell rings. Low and behold, it’s the kids & the grandkids. They’ve come over for a surprise visit! Then there is a voice over with a mans voice saying “Aren’t you glad that you are using “blah blah” which lasts 72 hours”. It’s some kind of Viagra drug. So, grandpa was about to bang grandma when the kids c*ck block them. Do you really want gramps playing with the grandkids with a semi? Ick.

The last one grosses me out totally. It is a new mayonnaise commercial. It shows people licking the jars. That is just nasty. Does anyone out there really lick a mayo jar like a cake batter bowl? Gross. Especially since you know that the mayo in a jar starts to separate & turn that clear color around the lid n stuff. Barf…

"Well are you sure you've never stuck your d*ck in some guys a**hole?"

Yes, these are the times that we live in now where you have to ask that specifically. Let me start over fresh; a good friend of mine was in the beginnings of a relationship with a new guy. Now they had the "s*x talk". You know the one where you talk about your s*xual past because you are starting a new relationship & stuff like that is important. Well homie "forgot" to divulge that he had stuck in d*ck in some guys butthole a year ago. She found out from the guy who received said sausage, in passing. He was a friend of a friend. Sac is a small town, people. Secrets are hard to keep here. Just tell the truth. Now she wasn’t freaking out about the past “experimentation” (which was more than once btw), but the fact that he didn’t tell her. HELLO!! I am freaked that now I have to specifically ask a potential mate after we’ve had the “big talk”; “oh, by the way, have you ever stuck your c*ck in any guy’s a**, mouth or anywhere else on a man in a sexual manner?” and “Have you ever received a man schlong in any orifice of your own?”

What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?

Kiki & I went to Evil Betty's birthday party on Saturday & had lots of fun. Manda Panda, Kiki & I hung out & had lots of laughs. Evil Betty showed up slightly tipsy & then he rapidly became more & more intoxicated. Evil Betty drunk reminds me of Leify-greens when he goes to Leif-land. Evil Betty squealed like a little girl when he opened my gift of "Hedwig & the angry inch", which I knew he would. He also grabbed Kiki's boules in front of his two young lovely children. I got to see first hand how much of a raging beyatch his mother inlaw is. Good times. On monday I asked if he had a hangover on Sunday. He didn't but he did have a little surprise in the morning. I guess Evil Betty peepeed himself... HAHAHA. I absolutely heart Evil Betty. He is one of my most favoritist people in the world. To my brother he is known as the "F*ck you guy". Due to one night after many drinks, by brother had to give him a ride home & EB kept on saying "Hey Gynagirl, F*CK YOU!" Happy birthday Evil Betty...