Are you retarded or just socially inept?

Today I was outside giving myself cancer when a man comes up to me & starts commenting on the weather. Usually I wouldn’t think anything of it. I am used to small talk by people who don’t like silence, even when you are a complete stranger. This guy starts to get red & giggle when he says something about the rain. Now in my head I am thinking “are you a tard?” I look at his clothes and I don’t think the guy is, but he is totally acting like one. So then I think “oh, you must be nervous talking to a girl. Oh boobies”……

Thea Hiro pooping thea....

This is art!

I'm telling mom...

This morning, oh I'll say about 2 am, my brother who is my next door neighbor, decided he would have a party. Not just people, but he also decided it would be a good idea to play his drums & his congas. I called & he said he would quiet down. 15 minutes go by & nothing quiets down. I call a second time & he doesn't answer his phone. Another 15 minutes go by & I about had it, so I get out of bed, get dressed & go next door to hurt him. Once again I get an apology & I go back home & try to sleep. Let's just say I didn't get back to sleep until way after 3:30 am. I almost slept through my alarm & now I am grouchy & tired & not looking forward to working my 11 hour day. So I call my mom this morning to tell her that I wouldn't be watching my nephew while my brother worked. So my mom is going to rip him a new one. Yeah, I know I'm 30 & he's 28, but I can still kick his ass & then fart on his head in victory when we fight.

I seriously love George Michael

Really I do. That's it. Just listening to his greatest hits. LOVE LOVE LOVE him. Always have....

I'M ALIVE

Sorry y'all, I had the stomach flu so I was p*ssing out of my arse & vomiting last week. I have a lot to catch up on for the next few days so I will write soon. Stay tuned for my love of my new Ipod nano, watching the 40 yr old virgin (funny) & I have a "You are so gay because your butthole has lips" & more tales of my butt...

God is good....

This afternoon after I had made a woman cry because "you are taking my childrens grocery money" even though she told me that if she "has any money in my bank account, I spend it", I went outside for a smoke & saw a man with down syndrome sporting some MAJOR bling. He had gold chains & a HUGE medallion. And I thought I was done laughing at people all day after make that lady cry & laughed at her. God is good...

Thank you for calling. Now eat sh*t and die...

I was in a meeting with my bosses & my big boss said that "Gynagirl has the gift of being rude on the phone to people but they don't realize it. They even thank her afterwards. Some people just have the gift of that." I was a little offended, but also proud at the same time.

Gynagirl goes Eurotrash....

I think I figured out a rough itinerary for my very GynaEuropean pilgrimage…
July thru August- Ireland, The Netherlands, Eastern Europe.
August thru September- Eastern Europe, Germany, Portugal
September thru October- Italy, Spain & Motherland (Greece),
October thru November- Motherland (Greece), France & England


Now I just have to figure out how to get back to Germany for Octoberfest....

Email to & from Evil Betty concerning work stuff...

Gynagirl: Why does it make me giggle when I hear “You are a member of our staff”?

EvilBetty: because it's funny

GG: You must be an upstanding member of our unit…

EB: sometimes our unit can be difficult, but you can't find a better unit anywhere..
sometimes if feel our unit will never be overstaffed.

GG: If a member of our unit isn’t standing on their own, the other members feel the pressure to step up & fulfill our staffing obligations…

EB: keep a positive unit and the entire staff will be satisfied.

GG: You don’t want your staff growing soft on you so it is very important to handle each member in a professional but firm manner…

EB: I do believe you win...hands down

Camels, Gold & Hommes, Oh my....

It’s been awhile since I posted a picture of Josh Homme, so here is my Homme-age… Anyways, yesterday was sooo much fun. Drummer Girl, Mockula & I went to our cable interview. The interview was fine, but the fun was had in the hall waiting the hour & half for the interview. Here are a few highlights… There was talk of “look ma, no hands” tksiki (you seriously don’t want to know about this one). We talked at length about what kind of dinkers we would have if we were boys. I would have a huge one (because I wear a size 11 shoes & my hands are bigger than most guys), Drummergirl would have a long skinny one & Mockula would have a big fatty. Then we discovered Mockula’s camel toe (pictures to follow) which then lead us to a new song “Toe of the Camel” which will be sung to “Eye of the Tiger”. There were cartwheels & handstands. Slamming of diet soda for the burp factor, which didn’t work because the diet pepsi in the machine was old & flat. Talk of double stuffing our pants with socks. Lots of PC exercising & last but not least, Drummergirl informed me that you can buy vitamins with flecks of gold in them which made me want to buy some just so I could have gold flecked poo. For all you local people, I will let you know what day & time it will be showing.

Breakin’ the law…

I got a call from my mom this weekend. I guess Cute Crazy Guy got put in jail for going awol while he was on work project from an earlier charge of “threatening death or GBI” (as the online inmate info read). She was all worried so I told her that I would try to visit him as he was in County lock up & I work right next door. I was pretty excited. Living the sheltered life I live, I’ve never been to prison or visited anyone in prison. I have 3 prison guards, a sheriff and a retired narcotics police officer in my immediate family. This was an adventure waiting to be had. At lunch yesterday I walked a block over to county lockup & waited in line to enter with all the tweakers, bums, baby’s mama’s, a HUGE woman in a lark & a few scared looking people. It was a jolly time. I seriously would just recommend going down to the county jail just to people watch. FYI you have to fill out a visitation form before you get to the window. Also they have a lovely fish tank in the lobby. Once you fill out the form you take it to the window & they schedule a visitation then you come back at that time. You go up to the floor where the inmate is & ring a bell. Tell them the name, wing, pod (I know weird) & bed number & then they ring you in with your window letter. You go in & at least on the floor I was on, it is like a big arena box seat overlooking the commons area of the internal prison. Surprisingly clean & tidy. No inmates were in there. You have a glass booth with a metal stool & a phone. Luckily CCR (Cute Crazy Guy) is getting out today or tomorrow instead of the 90 days originally. He looked in good spirits. Wasn’t able to ask if he still had his behyndmen like I usually ask people who have been in prison. I will have to save that question for a latter date.