Oh, if it’s going to be that kinda party….

Ok, so I need some help. Greeky has no problem farting around me, which is stinky but great. I am glad he is comfortable enough to float an air biscuit when needed. As most of you know, I am not a prissy gal. I totally think dookie & farts are funny. Now I have busted out burps around him & he doesn’t mind, in fact he rates them which is lovely for me because I really do enjoy burping, but I’ve never let a barking spider loose around him. The other night he thought it would be funny to give me the kiss of the starfish on my leg & treat me to a Dutch oven. Unfortunately at the time, my brown-eyed Oracle didn’t have to speak her funky tales, or else I would’ve treated him to one of my starfish specials. Now I still refrain from letting any drop, but I am thinking its open season in stanky land. What do you guys think? Is it now cool for me to let my booty roam free?

Ain't that a beyatch...

Well Greeky & I are still going strong & diggin' each other more & more & I leave in less than 2 1/2 months. Why does the universe hate me so? When I meet him, I'm gonna kick his a**.

The price of beauty & I think my pubes have been talking to my eyes...

Last night I was painting my nails. A beautiful deep plum color. My toes & fingers because I wanted to feel purdy. Well I was almost done painting them when I dropped my nail polish. I dropped it all over my light beige carpet. Now it looks like I slaughtered someone in my living room & I am freaking out on how to get the stain out because I am moving in a couple of months. Any cleaning hints?

I went to the optometrist on Friday for my check-up, to get new glasses & some contacts. My eyes have gotten worse. I now have astigmatism or as drummergirl says "your eyes have stigmata?!?!?" Stupid old eyes....

Oh wait.... You're wearing a fanny-pack...

Last week this total a-hole came into my work & started to yell at me. He was trying to be macho and intimidating. I was starting to get flustered because it was early in the morning & I hadn’t had any coffee & I wanted to punch this guy in the throat. I was about to get all ghetto on his arse when I noticed that the a** f*ck was wearing a fanny-pack over a polo shirt that was tucked into his sweatpants. I actually giggled at him while I was staring at his fanny-pack. He then stopped trying to dominate me in the conversation & backed the hell off. Tip for all fanny-pack fashionistas; don’t get butch when sporting a FP, it's pointless.

Dude, are you sure we’re not related?

I am dating a guy who’s Greek. This is the first time I’ve ever dated a Greek man. I think it’s because I am related to pretty much all Greeks in Sacramento in one way or another so I think of Greek men as cousins. Well, while getting to know each other, I found out that his family is from Crete…. My family is from Crete…. Crete is a big island, right? Well it turns out that both our families are from the same Village. Then we noticed that we have the same feet. Now this sounds funny but I just read “Middlesex” which, for those of you that haven’t read it, is about an inbred Greek family so you can see why I would be a bit freaked. He thinks it’s funny…

I'm not ready yet...

The other day I was going potty & looked down & saw a white hair. I thought to myself "goddammit Billie". Billie has white fur & likes to lay on my clean laundry. So I went to pull it out of my venus fro & low and behold, it was connected to me. I got a grey pube. I'm only 30. It's not fair. I pulled the bastard out & called Kiki to cry to her.

What are the teaches of Feta?

I think one of my goals, when I leave on my trip, is to become the Greek American version of “Peaches” while I am in Greece. I want to be called “Feta”…. “Rubbing on my olives like you wanted me, calling me… What are the teaches of Feta?!?!”