Big kid update
3 years ago
Saturday, April 09, 2005
It Won't Die...
Man, last night was another set of non stop dreams about him. "When you say it's dead & gone, yes I know; you're wrong. Cut & slice, sharpest knife. It won't die". Every time I would wake up from the nightmares & then try to fall asleep but I would fall right back into the thick of it. I am so tired. I just want to get through a night without dreaming about him. They weren't nice dreams either. I need some relief. I don't know what I am going to do. Here I am crying at work. I don't need this. I know they say it's better to have love & lost than to never have loved, but my head is really making it hard to believe that.
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2 comments:
Gurrrl,
You need to do something, QUICK!!
I know you are going to travel, but that is not soon enough, you need a quick fix, maybe we could do something you've never done before or go do some drunken karoke or hang with us at the gay bar, something to lift you inside and give your mind something new and different to chew on...I want you to be happy and it kills me that you are not.-Inca
I know, but don't you think I want to be happy too? I hate that just when I think I am done feeling like shit, I see, hear or dream something of him. I wish I could shut that part of my head off, but I can't. My highs are high & my lows are low. I do know that my bounce back time is getting shorter & shorter, so I know that one day I will see him or dream of him & that won't affect me the ways it has been affecting me. But until then, I will vent & cry & wish harm to him.... :)
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