Representing the West Side....

Mistress Kiki & I started our adventure as soon as we got on the plane in Sac town. Kiki had the lovely pleasure of sitting next to an elderly gentleman with a voice box. She did quite well when he talked with her. I wouldn't look at him because I would have asked him to say "Bididi" like Twiggy from Buck Rodgers (It may have been battle star galactica, I don't remember). So for the rest of the trip to Atlanta I couldn't get "Origato Mr. Roboto" out of my head. We we finally arrived in the big apple, my uncle was there to meet us. We followed him at high speeds through the subway where Kiki sat in something we will hope was water. We had a nice dinner & got to see Times Square (which reminded me of Vegas). We got a little tipsy because my Uncle busted out the Dom Perignon. We ended up back at the hostel & rested up for our next day. Saturday we walked through central park & saw wonderful stuff there & then we walked down Park avenue & Madison avenue to see the shops & get to Barneys. Kiki purchased some Japanese face cream. We went into a few stores & had the best mocha in the whole fucking world. Seriously I would marry this mocha if it had a dick. Kiki agrees. We went into this one kids store where you had to be buzzed in & non of the clothes had price tags. We then met my uncle at the Met & walked around & saw art n stuff. After a few hours of seeing Jesus as baby Jesus & dead Jesus, I was a bit bored with it. Also my feet had started hurting because we walked probably close to 150 blocks. We are going back to the met because we still didn't see everything. Our evening then started to take shape. We had a lovely dinner with sangria at a nice little Cuban resturant then proceeded to any bar we could find. We started out at the dead Poet & had a couple there. We then walked many blocks trying to find another bar & couldn't, so we asked a guy on the street who had an English accent & told us to follow him to a nice place a couple of blocks away. He then proceeded to tell us about how his girlfriend is knocked up & he's not ready for a baby & he wants her to get an abortion. Great conversation. We got to the place & got seated at the bar & then the evening gets a little blurry from there. There was a horrible cover band playing decent songs mixed with really horrible 80's pop, like Mike & the Mechanics & Phil Collins. When they played Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" things got odd. The whole bar started to sing along like it was their national anthem. Kiki showed her love by yelling out "Jersey Rules!" several times. She also tried to help them out by recommending "Free Bird" to no avail. I lost a cute guy at the bathroom because, I'm sorry, but I really needed to pee. Then we went to the otherside of the bar where we consumed more & more alcohol & before you knew it, we were singing along at the top of our lungs to "I Will Survive". Kiki made a great effort in trying to find us some weed, but the only guy who might have had it, wanted ass for grass & we wouldn't party like that. Maybe if it would've been some humbolt shit, but I am sure East coast grass isn't as good as home grown cali shit. We then started to tell everyone who would listen that we were representin' "West Side", beyaches. Kiki even helped me out with the hand thing for it. We meet some nice guys from Sweeden or something who were also looking for weed with no luck. Then I went outside for a smoke & almost couldn't get back in until nice gentlemen helped me up the stairs because for some reason my equilibrium was off. Maybe the plane or the time change it couldn't have been from the god knows how many beers I had consumed. Then I think I got food poisoning from the Cuban place because I exploded in the hall way of the Bon Jovi place. Good Times... Kiki did a wonderful job of getting us a cab & getting us back to the hostel. All I know is that when I woke up, I had all my clothes on with everything still in my pockets still drunk off my ass & my shoes were soiled. I am still drunk now. Good Times. Still representing the west side beyatches!!! Stay tuned for another installment tomorrow or something.....