A very butty New Years!

This morning when I woke up, I stretched but I was in a funny position & I ended up getting a Charlie horse in my butt cheek. I’ve never gotten one there. Gotta tell you it hurts like a mofo. My butt is still sore. I guess I’m finishing off 2005 butt hurt, literally vs last year when I was butt hurt figuratively. I’d rather my butt hurt than my feelings hurt any day, so I guess this horrible year is finally over & I can’t wait for the New Year! Hope everyone has a great New Years!

baddong but funny...

Because I am a nice little mix of Greek & Mexican, I have some distinct characteristics I can blame on my ancestry. I am feisty, sassy, passionate, hard worker, gain weight in my belly & tan really well. I believe that this comes from my Mexican genes. I am proud, a smoker (like a good Greek girl should be), argumentative, tall (from my peasant olive picking ancestors), a unibrow & can tan really well. This comes from my Greek side. From both sides I have the blessing of having a mustache. Thank god I don’t have a furry butt nor am I really hairy otherwise, but I do sport a ‘stache. Last night I was nair’ing my ‘stache as I do occasionally when it starts to go crazy. It looks like a 12 year old boy’s mustache. I like to call it a “Paco” mustache. You know, blond hair on the upper lip, but a couple of dark hairs on the corners of your mouth. While I was removing the Nair, I thought to myself; “I wonder if I can Nair my ‘stache to make it look like a Hitler mustache if you look really close?” By the time I thought of doing it, it was already Naired off. I have decided since I can’t grow a handlebar mustache that I will try to grow a Hitler mustache. Boys, don’t worry. You can’t really see the hair, but at least I will know. Plus if you are nice, in a few months I will let you get close enough to me to actually see it. Keep your fingers crossed!

Wacky Work Adventures of Gynagirl

I don’t have a lot of time, but I just had to tell you all this. I was answering phones at my job & got a call from guy about some delinquent bills. He didn’t know about them, his sister is in a psychiatric ward, his parents don’t speak English etc. He wants me to cancel the penalties. I tell him “No”. I can’t do it. Then the guy starts to cry. Long 45 minute story short, it was his sister’s house, but she had to turn it over to her parents because she is in a psychiatric ward. His parents are immigrant farmers who don’t speak English. His sister ran away to Oakland where “the lazy black people are”. They both have yellow teeth because his immigrant parents gave them herbs that turned their teeth yellow, so his sister decides to grind her yellow teeth done until they break off. Then her arranged Chinese husband divorces her because she is ugly without teeth. “He was her first if you know what I mean”. Yes I do know & no I didn’t want to know. They were in a mobile home park for Thanksgiving & the white people gave them lots of canned food, even though most of it was gross. Now he is going to send in her psychiatric records, her divorce papers & a picture of her teeth. I am not making this up. If anything, I am forgetting some stuff. Good times….

Our 15 minutes of cable fame

We got a call from some guy with a cable access show about California artists. We are going to be on it talking about being an all girl band. I’ll get you guys the date as soon as I know it. I wonder if I can lay a silent but deadly while we are being interviewed? I wonder if we can do the “meow” thing. I have to do something….

Jesus is dissapointed in Gynagirl...

Ok, not a big surprise, but I absolutely hate Christmas music. It makes me want to bash my own head in every time I have to listen to it. This morning on my bus, the bus driver had X-Mas music playing. It sounded like a retarded kid choir. There was some woman singing at the top of her lungs about a drum. Funny stuff. Then the bus driver gave me a pat & told me he loved me. Good times.

There have been a plethora of “Save the Children” commercials on TV for the past couple of weeks. One of them has little kids singing “Jesus loves the little children”, which I find disturbing in the Michael Jackson kind of way, while they show pictures of poor kids in 3rd world settings. If Jesus truly loved the little children, would he have them born into poverty? OK, I guess I am going to hell for that one, but I seriously think that every time I see that ad. All I think is of the happy fat little kids singing that song, their bible thumping parents staring proudly while little Umbatoo is starving with a bloated belly & flys living in his eyes. Does Umbatoo really need Jesus in his life? I think Umbatoo needs some nutrition.

He gonna f*ck that little cow...

Has anyone seen that commercial where the guy is dancing & shaking the cow? I think it’s for a fast food milkshake or something. I find this commercial disturbing. He is shaking the cow as it “moo”s, dancing & looking at the camera in a provocative way. Why? I understand the whole “Milkshake” idea, but why do they have to make a commercial that shows a guy sexing up a cow? Does it make you want to drink a milkshake or call the authorities? It is almost as bad as the tampon canoe commercial that I freaked out about last year….

Thoughts on Cufflinks & Flash Gordon

I discovered the other night that I think cufflinks on a man is sooo hot. I am not really sure why I just discovered it. I just thought about cufflinks & then a guy & then BOOM, I was thinking naughty thoughts. I think it's the thought of the cufflinks on a nice pressed shirt, with a little bit of man wrist showing. I just want to smell & lick the wrist.

I watched a bit of Flash Gordon on TV this weekend. I remember thinking it was the coolest movie when I was a kid. It's not. It sucks so hard core I couldn't watch it all the way to the end & I was baked. I think I could watch it again if I was with other people so we could make fun of it together. I tried to call Kiki to tell her how bad it was, but she was at work. Seriously, it's bad.

Gynagirl = PC

Does anyone else ever hear "me Chinese. me play joke. me put peepee in your coke" in their head every time they go potty? For some strange reason I do about 90% of the time

Tales about my cats dexterity & butts....

Since I basically don’t have a life until tax season is over, I can tell you tales of my kitties. I know I am a crazy cat lady. My cats are the only other living beings I see on a daily basis that aren’t involved with my work, so I am writing about a few observations & updates on the little guys…

First, the boys, Papi Pequeno & Gary, have learned how to put the shower on. I was taking a nap on Saturday & I heard the shower turn on. When I went to investigate, I saw both boys on the tub looking at the water. Now I have to make sure I tighten the knobs when I turn the shower off.

Second, Papi Pequeno has a gas problem. He farts a lot. Last night he was laying on me & he farted & it sounded like a regular fart. I thought that you had to have butt cheeks in order to fart, but in Papi’s case, that isn’t correct.