I forgot!!

Some little things that made me happy recently that I forgot to write about....

1. I got to feel a saline breast. On a woman. Feels like a water balloon. As I was squeezing her booby, I was squeezing mine & comparing. Then she grabbed mine & her's at the same time to compare also. I can cross that off my list of things to do before I die.

2. As many of you know, I ride public transit to work everyday instead of shelling out $120 to park at work every month. Public transit always has a special little something for me. Well, as I was waiting for my bus last week, there was a white guy who was retardedly special waiting also, but he was also talking mad shit & loudly like a gansta. That guy ruled.

3. On the bus there was a person that was sitting down but leaning forward with their heads on their arms on the seat in front of them. I am not sure if it was a man or woman because it had boobs, but also had a mullet. He/She was listening to some butt rock on a walkman & every once in a while would sit up & air drum for 20 seconds then put his/her head back down until the next drum solo. Precious....

You want me to put that where?!?!?!

Ah, the smell of pig & cow poo in the air & lots of fried food on a stick. I went to the State Fair last night with my bro & Beastos. Had lots of fun. Weather was nice & not too many people. I ate a nice big jumbo corndog & had a pineapple shake. Delicious! The state fair is the only time I will have a corndog. No corncob on a stick, though. I was sad because I was full from the jumbo dog & didn't want to eat anymore, so no eggroll on a stick. They had these HUGE bricks of french-fries. Like they filled the fry basket full of french-fries & then just slipped them out squirted nacho cheese on it. Had to pass on that. They did have a mechanical bull there. I know, you saying, "Gynagirl, did you ride it"? No sadly I didn't. I know that it is one of my goals to ride one before I die, but the situation wasn't right. I wasn't drunk or with my girls. Plus I had to pee. I won't pee at the fair. I have no problem pooing in famous places, but I can't pee at the state fair. That's just nasty. Girl has to have standards.

Are You Retarded Or Just Weird?

Oh, I forgot to tell you all about another wacky thing that happened to me. I was at the store with my nephew on Saturday. I was in the baby aisle looking at baby food. While Beastos & I were laughing at the nasty choices they have for babies concerning food, (okay just me, but he was laughing because I was laughing) a normal looking man wearing an expensive looking Hawaiian shirt & docker shorts came up to me. He looked like a newscaster. He looked at my arms & asked about my tattoos. Just the usual, "Did it hurt? How long did it take?" blah blah blah. Then he looks behind me & sees the ones on my back probably because I am wearing a tank top & facing him sideways. He seems normal so far, just silly questions trying to understand the youth of today, trying to be hip or something. Then he grabs me & swings me around so that my back is to him & he pulls down the top of my tank to take a look at the ones on my back, then he says "OOH! There's more on the bottom!!!" like a "special" person. Then he lifts up my tank & pulls the waist of my pants down to take a look at the ones on my back. I pull away & turn around about to bitch slap him, but he has that "special Corky" look in his eyes, like it is Christmas or something, so I just say "Bye Bye" grab the shopping cart with my nephew, who is a year old & is also thinking this guy is a total freak & get the hell away from him.

Wait! Is that a baby at the end of the bar???

The show on Friday was a big success. We all had lots of fun. Here are some of the highlights according to me...

1. There was a kid in the bar the whole night. He had to have been no more than three years old. How fucking trashy is that? I love it!

2. One band had a dancer named Daniel. I dubbed him Richard Simmons Pirate. He had on blue short shorts & rainbow suspenders & did really good gay dancing. He danced for us also which I was absolutely ecstatic over. I told my pals that I want one too. It was like when I was a kid & saw Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory & I told my parents I wanted a Oopha Loompa. I think they are coming up to play at my birthday show! Oh, Daniel, my gay dancing loverboy....

3. Only 2 people got my costume. We all were pirates, but I had the word "BUTT" inked on a t-shirt... Butt-Pirate... Get it? Well, not a lot of people did. Maybe because I am a girl & not a gay man... Oh well, I thought it was funny & the 2 other people did too...

4. I learned how to burp "Arrgghhh". Thanks to the PBR, which unfortunately was $3 a pint. What the hell is that about?

All in all a great show with a great line up. If you want more details to the show check out our myspace account under bloggs.

Blogger Spam

Sorry I have to do this to you guys, but you have to do that type in the letters & numbers thing so you can leave a message. Too much spam... Curse on the spam house!!!!

I Need Your Thea Expertise...

I am planning on getting two tattoo's next month for my birthday. One is The Gyna skull & bones & I also need to get another one so I have an odd number of tattoos. If you really need to know why I need an odd number, well, I want 9 tattoos. 9 is my favorite number. I was born in the 29th day of the 9th month in an odd year. Even numbers freak me out. When I have an even number of tattoos, bad luck follows me, so I need to get two more to reach my numeric goal of 9. I want to be done with them by my 30th. See, I told you I was weird. So I am getting The Gyna logo on my right forearm in black or maybe pink. I need another to go on my left forearm. I need my tattoos to be symmetrically place on my body... I know, I am super weird... So here are my three contenders so far... Please be honest & tell me what you think. Whether you think they are retarded or neat-o....

Mermaid

She's really cute & simple. I love mermaids, BTW.

Sassy French Kitty

For obvious reasons, this little girl is cute! I can also color her in to look like Billie....

Shag Kitty

Very cute & simple. I am thinking that I can change her around a little to look like Billie.

Sad Clown Day

You know, this morning I woke up in an awesome mood. The birds were singing, the cats didn't bother me so I slept like a log, the weather was gorgeous outside soI felt so good & happy I decided to put on makeup & wore a skirt to work today. Then my first phone call hits & it's some snatch of an old bag who continues to yell at me. It was 8:10 am. Even after that bad phone call, I was still chipper. Then the next phone call I get, BAM! another snatch. Then the rest of the day goes downhill & I am writing this and it's only noon... Now my nephew is sick again & we have to cancel his birthday party (BTW he's okay, just a little sicky-poo) & now I have a headache the size of Texas. It won't go away. Oh well, I'll quit complaining & get to work...argggghhhh....

ARE YOU TEMPTED BY THE MOLDS, TREES & DUSTMITES OF MY WORLD?!?!?!

I got the second set of allergy tests done today & man, my arms are sore, welted & itchy. Good news is that I can now get allergy shots done! Yippy!!! EvilBetty just had to poke at the welts. Heads up, don't let anyone poke at your welts. It hurts. In other news, I got my new stapler at work & man oh man it's nice....

Aye Homme!

Damn you, you delicious man... On the day I declare my celibacy you visit me in my dreams. Tempt me into doing naughty things... Sucks being single sometimes, especially when I think I am starting to hit my sexual peak. Oh well, I guess I will tweaker clean my house tonight. On the bright side, in that same dream I had really good hair...

Being a Whore & Understanding the Beauty of Nature....

First off, everyone knows that I am not very educated when it comes to art. I am not an artsy fartsty type of gal. I like things or I don't. Usually I dig the pretty paintings of mermaids. That said, you have to watch this movie. It is a documentary called "Rivers and Tides". It is about Andy Goldsworthy & his art. He goes out into nature & creates from nature. Not only are his creations gorgeous & amazing, his philosophy about nature & his art is very deep & beautiful. I can't say anymore but WATCH THIS MOVIE!!!!

Drummer girl is usually the only one who I tell my dreams to, but she said I should Blogg some of these, so I am going to blogg the one I had last night...
We were on a retreat or camp for bands & there were about 20 local bands at this camp. I wake up in my dream from a bender & it seems that I had blacked out 10 days of the trip. You guys tell me that I slept with 4 bands. You guys say that I was having fun & didn't realize that I was so messed up. It was like I knew that days had passed, but it was seriously like I had just woken up. Very bizarre. So the rest of the dream I am going around to guys & asking them if I slept with them. Everyone was very cool about it. Strange....

On that note, I found out last night that my little cousin is pregnant. Not to get into the details, my concern is of her of course, but also for myself. For those of you who know my family, you know I am not exaggerating when I say that things come in fives. For those of you that don't know my family, let me put it this way; if one person gets pregnant, three or four others will too, within months of each other. There were FIVE pregnant girls in my family last year... FIVE!!! It's not just with the cousins either. Look at all my cousins. There are always 3 or 4 of us the same age. Now I am extremely worried. So worried that I am going to be celibate until I get to Europe. Now some of you may be saying "Gynagirl is overreacting", but my number is up on the baby list. I've dodged it for the past couple of years, but there isn't anyway I can dodge it this time. There are only three of us who could possibly have babies right now. Three... The gods won't be happy with that. So the only way to make sure I won't be posing in pictures with cousins or cousins wives sideways with our huge bellies at Christmas time is to not have the hot hot bang bang until I get to Europe....

Teabaggin' with Netflix!

There are two things I am really diggin right now. The first thing is the "Lipton Cold Brew" tea bags I bought the other day. I drink tons of water when I am at work. I have a huge 32oz cup that I fill & refill at least 3 to 4 times a day. Now & then I get sick of drinking water, so I finally bought the cold brew tea bags. I love iced tea, but I don't really like the store bought kind in a bottle, maybe because I bought a Arizona Ice Tea years ago that had yucky stuff floating around in it. It looked like worms. I realized it BEFORE I drank it, thank gawd. Now I am put off of by canned or bottled ice tea. I brewed it up & whooey! It tasted great! Like sun tea. I give it 2 thumbs wayyyyy up. The second thing I am totally digging right now is "Netflix". I signed up for it last week & I love it! I get my movies within 2 days of shipping because they come from West Sac. So by the time I get my old movies in the mail, 2 days later, I have my new movies waiting for me in the mail at home. I don't have to worry about going across town to drop them off, I just put them in the mail. I sit on the computer & scroll through thousands of movies & just add ones I may want to see on my queue list. Then I can mess with the order of shipping. There are at least 20 movies in my queue right now. I can rent stupid girlie movies staring Jennifer Lopez without being embarrassed. Usually I get self conscience when I am at Blockbusters walking around with some dumb chick flick, but now if I want to waste two hours watching some stupid romance movie, I can without feeling guilty about who's going to see me rent the atrocity!

On a completely different note....

On a completely different note, one of our neighbors has gotten a rooster. It crows in the morning, and has kind of a strange crow -- which explains why I woke up from a dream that a retard was singing Danzig's "Mother."

That has to be the funniest quote I've heard in a long time... Thanks Mockula! So I started the morning going to an allergist who proceeded to prick me with 60 needles & insert things that would make my skin burn & itch. It hurt like hell & now I am all itchy & my back looks like "A Man Called Horse". But now I know that I am allergic to molds & dust mites. I have to go back in next week so they can insert bubbles of itchy stuff under my skin using hypodermic needles so they can see what other kinds of stuff I am allergic to. On the bright side, I will be getting allergy shots from now on. I had about 45 mins before I had to go to my next appointment, so I filled my car with gas & washed her purdy shinny. It cost me $27 to fill my little compact car. It used to cost me $10... Like I don't want to go into the math thing, but that is like almost 200% rise in 10 years... Or something like that. Then I went to my next appointment for my um, ahem (see above). Let me tell anyone who is thinking about going into Gynocology that will you PLEASE warm up the speculum. Seriously. It was ice cold. One thing I don't want my vagina to be is ice cold... Boys, that is the thingy they open you up with to take a look at yer hooha.... I won't go into the results ("into" haha that's funny because I'm talking about my vagina) but lets say things aren't worse than they were before so that is a good thing. The doctor used "low grade" a lot during the exam which made me feel like I was filling my car with gas again...

Yup. Still think it's funny....

Yup. Still think it's funny....
Originally uploaded by gynagirl.

Papi Pequeno is Feline HIV & Lukemia free! He gets fixed next month.

So Wrong...

So Wrong...
Originally uploaded by gynagirl.

I just got back from the ENT doctor & my sinuses are inindated with polyps & cysts. He said that the things jumping around in there aren't Muppets, but the polyps...

How wrong is this picture. You would be surprised how many erotic pictures of Miss Piggy I found by key wording Miss Piggy.

millie-potty-b

millie-potty-b
Originally uploaded by gynagirl.

Testing to see how this blog picture thing works.

Everyone Sexy Dance!!!

If I ever had to write a dissertation, it would be on "Sexy Dancin'". SD is the dancing that goes on when a woman/man has had wayyyy too much to drink & start to shake their groove thang for the sole purpose of getting some. It's basically "Whooo!!! I'm drunk & hot & oh so sexy... Look at me & want me!" gyrating. There is an art to it. It's beautiful. It's like watching drunk birds doing a mating dance but with high heels, smeared makeup & boobies popping out. I think I am going to write a "Sexy Dancin'" song now. Hopefully it'll make people want to sexy dance...

Poot!

Here's another tale about my butt...
I was in the restroom at work when one of my co-workers came in & we both were talking to each other about work stuff while we were tinkling. I really had to pee. Like really bad. So while I let the stream go, I totally ripped one out & then more & more. I couldn't stop my ass from speaking & pee at the same time. If I stopped the pee, it would've hurt, so I just got real quite which made the ass echo worse.... I was actually embarrassed.

RIP Muffin McSeamus (06/04-08/01/05)

La petite Muffin
So sweet & puffy

Sorry the SPCA murdered you in your youth
Maybe you couldn't be apart from Cootie

Your big purrs from your tiny body
Your love was too big for this world....