Temper Temper, miss Gynagirl...

I know I've said it before, but I am a total freak magnet. "These are the people in my neighborhood" or people I've seen or dealt with today all before 1pm in order....

*I walk into a bathroom at a state building that we go to for my job & there is a lady picking at her zits. I know that a majority of us do this, myself included sometimes, but please people, this is a private "activity" that shouldn't be shared with anyone. Does she stop, no. She keeps on picking.

*On my way out of the restroom, a lady walks in who is wearing flip flops. Not a big deal until I notice an annoying sound... Her dragging her feet instead of walking like a normal person. How anyone can think that walking in such a way as to not lift their feet up as they take a step is beyond me. The thing is that she wasn't even an old lady or anything. I wanted to take her flip flops off & slap her in the face with them.

*At my job, we have to go to the state to copy files. This takes hours at the copy machine, but when people come in, I step aside & let them use it. I wear my ipod so I don't have to interact with people, yet people still like to talk to me. There was a lady who liked to come in & get in my personal space & touch me until she had me backed against the machine, but today I got to meet a real gem of a lady. She comes in with a paper she needed to copy. I told her that I would be done in one second & she could step in & use it. I had just loaded the copier with paper & it was in the middle of it's cycle so I couldn't stop it. She says that she will use the other machine & I tell her that someone else is using that machine & she freaks out. "Do you work here?" "no" I tell her & she tells me that we can't keep both machines occupied at the same time. I calmly tell her that my copies will be done in literally 20 seconds & that she can use it. snatch. I wanted to punch her in the face & then copy it.

*Last but not least, on our way back to our office, I saw a man wearing sunglasses riding a unicycle while talking on a cell phone.... I tried to get a picture with my phone, but I missed him by a second & I ended up taking a picture of a pole.

Drummer girl told me "Nice!! Today on K street in front of my building there was a stanky homeless guy ranting about Abe Lincoln's assassination." I think her's wins... But it is a close one.

WWJR? (What would Jesus Ride?)

He would totally ride a Unicorn! At least that is what I think...

I'm back!

So much has happened since my little adventure. Lots of bad stuff, but I will not go into detail, instead, I will share my delicious finds that I torture drummer girl with on a weekly basis...

This is a total gem. I don't think anything I can say will do it justice....

I'm alive!

& I am back at home. I've been home for almost a week now. Sorry I haven't written. I couldn't find internet on the islands I was on. I know most of you are thinking "NO! How could she come back after a week & a half!" Well, I was so miserable that I had to. I had a total of 3 conversations when I was there and one was with a dog. I mastered getting around & finding places to stay & trying to eat, but I couldn't get over being in my head for days at a time with no one to talk to. There weren't any English speaking people. If there was, they were couples & the conversation usually went "Were are you from. Oh nice. Ok have fun bye."

The hatred of Americans was overwhelming. It would change if I told them I was Greek, but most conversations didn't get that far. Greeks are naturally abrupt & rude (in our standards) so after so much negative human contact, I couldn't take it anymore. I know, most people say "tell them you are from Canada", but I am not. Sure my government embarrasses me, but I am American & my grandparents & great grandparents went through hell to get here and start a better life. I will not be ashamed of my country. I was overcharged, almost took a wrong ferry & just general made to feel like caca after someone found out I was American. It sucked. If I wasn't by myself, I am sure I would've let it roll off me, but this was the only human contact I was getting & it was wearing me down. I was followed by weird guys on 2 occasions. While I didn't feel scared, because I was pissed, it still didn't help the situation out any. Thank gawd, "FUCK OFF" is universal. I got sick of the pointing & the staring at my Tattoos. You may be speaking in a different language, but if you are looking at me & whispering, I am pretty sure you are talking about me.

We also had a death in the family & I was able to make it back home in time for the funeral. There were times where I would have a mild anxiety attack because something didn't feel right & I needed to get home. After I got back & saw my family at the funeral, most of them told me that they were really glad that I was home because they had a funny feeling. I feel so much better now that I am home. I've decided to not work until January & spend some time with my family. I am going to help my grandma clean out her house & spend some time with her. Also if anyone needs any help with doing anything, let me know. I got all the time in the world.

Here are the highlights from my trip; In Syros, I turned a wrong way walking to my hotel & got lost for an hour, even though my room was a block from the harbor. See, Syros used to have a pretty bad pirate problem & so there streets are made confusing on purpose. Also in Syros, there are restuarants set up all along the harbor, very beautiful. A huge yaht docked right in the middle & a fat old man got off, stripped down & proceeded to wash his body with a hose about 6 feet from lots of people eating & drinking. This included his ass & balls. That same day I was followed all around by some weird guy until I told him to f-off. I left Syros & went to Naxos after a couple of days. I stayed in a place right accross the street from the beach. Very nice beach, but full of old leathery naked people. I've seen so much old scrot & saggy titties that I will never work in a old persons home. After I reread my books for the tenth time, I would try to find food & go back to my room & sleep. This was my 4 days is Naxos. I got a really good tan, though.

Now I am home & happy about it. I left because something didn't feel right & I didn't want to start hating a place or places that I love or might love. I still want to see the world, but not by myself. I am happy that I tried to do it. I don't regret any of my decisions. I am just really happy to be home!

Day 3... I think.

Well I feel a bit better. I spent the last hour trying to find the tourist information office in Syntagma but couldn't find it so I guess I will just lug my big ole bag & myself down to Piraeus & wait for the next ferry. Hopefully I won't be down there for hours. Feeling alot better, but just a bit frustrated. Talking to Drummergirl & hearing how she went throught the same thing when she went to Budapest made me feel a whole lot better. Well, I will write when I get to Syros or the next ferry I can catch to somewhere...

Yassas!

I am feeling much better today & the anxiety attack I was having is done with. I went to the Acropolis today & that was fun. I am taking a ferry to Syros tomorrow to start on my Island adventures. I'll blog when I get there. Thanks for the words of confindence, Mockula. I heart you & miss you!

Back in the motha land!

Well I am in Athens. The flight sucked major d*ck the only highlite was that there was an old man with a huge tumor or cyst on the back of his neck & he grew his hair out over it like a comb-over/mullet. Very strange. I am jet-lagged & exhausted because I couldn't sleep on the plane. I am very bummed that the dollar sucks right now. Everything is so expensive. I am also feeling extremely freaked out, alone & overwhelmed right now. Tomorrow I will attempt to venture more than 2 blocks from my hotel. I think I will feel better as soon as I get outta Athens & onto an island where I can chill on the beach. It's strange because I am usually a very confident traveler & I think I am pretty good at it, but right now I just feel lost & wanna go home & crawl under my covers. I think it's because I am by myself. Getting lost isn't fun unless you are with a buddy. I gotta give props for all you who have been overseas by yourselves. Any pointers? It's strange because I haven't had a conversation with anyone today. I am in a city of millions & feel so isolated. The good thing is that I can brush off pan handlers easily because I can't understand a word they are saying. I forgot about all the gypsies here. I also forgot how much it smells like B-O. Stinky old man B-O everywhere I go. Well hopefully I will be writing a more positive blog tomorrow but for now I am going to go crawl under my covers & try to convince myself that I didn't make a huge mistake....

Let the freaking begin!

Well, my kitties are all in their new foster homes. Billie is loving life at Kiki's even though I know as soon as I step on the plane, Kiki will be putting bonnets on her & making her belly dance. The boys are with my brother's baby mama & while technically I am not "homeless", my apartment has no furniture in it & I have 3 days to get the rest of my crap out & tweaker clean it. Then I am homeless. I leave in 2 weeks. So far my mom has cried twice while on the phone to me, she's worried but proud, and my going away party has been planned. On a less stressful note, I won $250 playing Black Jack at our local Indian casino. It was my first time playing it! The whole time, Kenny Rogers' "Gambler" was playing in my head & it was quite helpful. Only I did count my money while I was sitting at the table, only I did it when the dealing was done....

Let the euro whoring commence!

Well, Greeky & I are no more. It is for the best & I really don’t want to discuss the details as it is private. I am actually relieved that I won’t have any ties when I leave next month. Completely free! Sooooo….. (see above). Today is also my last day at work. Life is actually starting to look up!

Like Caine from Kung Fu, but with boobies & drunk and not helping people along the way.

That is how I am going to describe my quest. Just like the TV show, I will be writing about my quest hopefully several times a week. Not sure what I am looking for, but I will do my best to search every pub & beach for it. I am like Caine, except I won't be glowing, well maybe in Amsterdam. Stay tuned for the up and coming episode "Vomit in the strafe... Will Gynagirl find her hostel after multiple steins of beer during Oktoberfest in Munich"...

Goddamn tree & thoughts about Elton John...

A couple of weeks ago I was at Greeky's apartment & he woke me up early in the morning to tell me that a huge branch fell on my car. I run outside & thank gawd there was only scratches & a couple of dents on my car. No broken windows which is amazing because this branch was about 15 feet long & about 80 lbs. Well I go over to Greeky's on Friday night & park in front of his apartment under the poltergist tree but pull forward so I am not directly under the damn thing. I get my overnight bag outta my trunk & head to Greeky's. I get to Greekys apartment & he is heading outside to take the trash out or something & he comes back & about 5 minutes have passed since I've gotten there & he tells me that "a branch fell on your car again"...... What the fruit! I run outside & yes the f*cking tree has dropped another HUGE branch on my car, but this time since I pulled up a little past the tree, it just tagged my trunk. No broken glass, but more dents & scratches. Why does the tree hate me so?

On a completely different note, I got to burn Elton Johns greatest hits to my ipod. Man do I loves me some Elton John. I forgot how much I dug his old stuff. I'm talking "Tiny Dancer", "Rocketman", "Levon", "Your song" & "Daniel". I must look like a complete tard in my car singing "Levon" at the top of my lungs like my life depended on it.

What are some of your guilty music loves? I am curious to see what abominations are rocked out to in secret...

Stay tuned after these messages....

It's been a while since I've written so I just wanted to tell everyone to still stay tuned in because I'll be writing bunches in September & on when I am in Europe. Right now I am really busy with work because I only have 3 weeks left (yay!) so my blogging will be scarce until I get to Europe, but stay tuned!!!

Kissing Cousins.

Well, Greeky & I are doing really good. He finally met Mockula & Drummergirl this weekend & they give their approval. He's meet my mom & bro & they dig him. He's meeting the rest of my family this weekend. I hope he doesn't try the "we're kissing cousins" joke which consists of him telling people that "we're cousins, kissing cousins" & then sticking his tongue down my throat. While it is funny with pals, my grandma & Papou might not find it so funny....

I have pretty much accepted that Kiki doesn't like him & probably never will. I think she'll feel better once I am on the plane going on my trip. No matter how many times I reassure her that I am indeed still going on my trip, she still thinks that I am going to stay to be with Greeky. I am not. It'll be hard to be away from him, but it's only for a few months.

I put in my resignation at work last week & that kinda freaked me out, but I feel liberated. I have a month & a day from today. It'll give me a good month to get my stuff in order & move out of my apartment before I leave.

I came here to drink some beer & kick some a**....

Well, as most of you know, I am a tax collector & work with the general public. I am hated being the bearer of bad news even before people talk to me, so I try to lessen the blow of having to pay taxes by usually being nice & sympathetic. Today some beyatch comes into our office & starts complaining & wants to see the supervisor, which is me. Well, this snatch is angry over paying $1.75. I explain why she has to pay the money & she keeps on arguing & getting more & more forcefully & ghetto trying to intimidate me into giving her the info for free. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I started taking the pill. Now the pill either makes me cry or want to kick some a**. Today it was the later. I should've just let it roll off me, but the skank kept on & on until I had to get ghetto on her a** too. The whole time I was saying in my mind; "B*tch, go on, hit me". I was hoping she would hit me so I could take her down. I am not a violent person, but damn. Drummergirl thinks it's because Lil Kim got outta jail today.

Oh, if it’s going to be that kinda party….

Ok, so I need some help. Greeky has no problem farting around me, which is stinky but great. I am glad he is comfortable enough to float an air biscuit when needed. As most of you know, I am not a prissy gal. I totally think dookie & farts are funny. Now I have busted out burps around him & he doesn’t mind, in fact he rates them which is lovely for me because I really do enjoy burping, but I’ve never let a barking spider loose around him. The other night he thought it would be funny to give me the kiss of the starfish on my leg & treat me to a Dutch oven. Unfortunately at the time, my brown-eyed Oracle didn’t have to speak her funky tales, or else I would’ve treated him to one of my starfish specials. Now I still refrain from letting any drop, but I am thinking its open season in stanky land. What do you guys think? Is it now cool for me to let my booty roam free?

Ain't that a beyatch...

Well Greeky & I are still going strong & diggin' each other more & more & I leave in less than 2 1/2 months. Why does the universe hate me so? When I meet him, I'm gonna kick his a**.

The price of beauty & I think my pubes have been talking to my eyes...

Last night I was painting my nails. A beautiful deep plum color. My toes & fingers because I wanted to feel purdy. Well I was almost done painting them when I dropped my nail polish. I dropped it all over my light beige carpet. Now it looks like I slaughtered someone in my living room & I am freaking out on how to get the stain out because I am moving in a couple of months. Any cleaning hints?

I went to the optometrist on Friday for my check-up, to get new glasses & some contacts. My eyes have gotten worse. I now have astigmatism or as drummergirl says "your eyes have stigmata?!?!?" Stupid old eyes....

Oh wait.... You're wearing a fanny-pack...

Last week this total a-hole came into my work & started to yell at me. He was trying to be macho and intimidating. I was starting to get flustered because it was early in the morning & I hadn’t had any coffee & I wanted to punch this guy in the throat. I was about to get all ghetto on his arse when I noticed that the a** f*ck was wearing a fanny-pack over a polo shirt that was tucked into his sweatpants. I actually giggled at him while I was staring at his fanny-pack. He then stopped trying to dominate me in the conversation & backed the hell off. Tip for all fanny-pack fashionistas; don’t get butch when sporting a FP, it's pointless.

Dude, are you sure we’re not related?

I am dating a guy who’s Greek. This is the first time I’ve ever dated a Greek man. I think it’s because I am related to pretty much all Greeks in Sacramento in one way or another so I think of Greek men as cousins. Well, while getting to know each other, I found out that his family is from Crete…. My family is from Crete…. Crete is a big island, right? Well it turns out that both our families are from the same Village. Then we noticed that we have the same feet. Now this sounds funny but I just read “Middlesex” which, for those of you that haven’t read it, is about an inbred Greek family so you can see why I would be a bit freaked. He thinks it’s funny…

I'm not ready yet...

The other day I was going potty & looked down & saw a white hair. I thought to myself "goddammit Billie". Billie has white fur & likes to lay on my clean laundry. So I went to pull it out of my venus fro & low and behold, it was connected to me. I got a grey pube. I'm only 30. It's not fair. I pulled the bastard out & called Kiki to cry to her.